Sept. 8, 2026

Big Time Adulting’s Caitlin Murray on the Chaos, Guilt & Humor of Modern Motherhood

Big Time Adulting’s Caitlin Murray on the Chaos, Guilt & Humor of Modern Motherhood
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Motherhood can be beautiful, hilarious, lonely, exhausting—and sometimes all of those things before breakfast.In this episode of The Running Wine Mom, Samantha Cieslinski sits down with Caitlin Murray, creator of Big Time Adulting, for a funny and refreshingly real conversation about what motherhood actually looks like when you stop trying to make it look perfect.Caitlin shares how Big Time Adulting began during one of the hardest seasons of her life, when her oldest son was undergoing treatment for leukemia while she was raising a toddler and pregnant with her third child. Writing became an outlet, humor became a coping mechanism, and eventually her willingness to say the things mothers weren't always saying publicly became a community of more than a million followers. Samantha and Caitlin dig into the loneliness of early motherhood...even when you're never physically alone, and why the demands don't necessarily disappear as kids get older. The sleepless baby years may end, but they're often replaced by activity schedules, youth sports, decision fatigue, and the feeling that family life has become one endless sprint. They also talk about mom guilt, social media's influence on parenting, the pressure to create a picture-perfect childhood, and why Caitlin tries to tune out the competitive side of modern parenting.And, of course, there are plenty of laughs along the way: from aggressively shaken margaritas and considering "leaving your family" during a meltdown to the unexpected luxury of simply sitting down.In This Episode, We Talk About:

  • How Caitlin Murray created Big Time Adulting
  • Her son's leukemia diagnosis and the role writing played during treatment
  • Why humor can be such a powerful coping mechanism
  • The loneliness and isolation of early motherhood
  • Why motherhood can feel like living life on autopilot
  • Mom guilt and learning to trust yourself as a parent
  • Instagram, Pinterest and the pressure to make motherhood look perfect
  • The mental load and never-ending "open tabs" in a mom's brain
  • Youth sports, overscheduling and the pressure to optimize childhood
  • What changes as kids move from babies and toddlers into the tween years
  • Caitlin's experience becoming recognizable in public
  • Why sitting down now qualifies as a luxury
  • What it means to live a life that's "well-adulted"
One of Caitlin's most meaningful reminders from the conversation? Even though every parent gets things wrong, you know your children better than anyone else-and you're the parent they need. Connect with Caitlin MurrayFollow Caitlin on Instagram — @bigtimeadultingRead more from Big Time AdultingListen to Big Time Adulting PodcastConnect with The Running Wine MomFollow Samantha on Instagram — @therunningwinemom_Visit The Running Wine MomIf this episode made you feel seen, send it to another mom who needs the reminder that she isn't the only one trying to keep all those tabs open.
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It was sort of this, like, trending word on the

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internet at that time of, like, people restocking their fridge or, like,

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cleaning their apartments on a Sunday. I just was, like,

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getting a kick out of, like, that's what people think

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is adulting. And there I was with two kids, one

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on the way, one in cancer treatment, doing all the things.

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I was like, this is fucking adulting.

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This is... Real adulting.

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Welcome back to the Running Wine Mom podcast. I'm your host,

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Samantha Selinsky, aka the Running Wine Mom. Caitlin Murray is

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the creator of Big Time Adulting, a platform that has

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built a massive following by saying the things moms are

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usually too guilty, too overwhelmed, or too sleep deprived to

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admit out loud. From the chaos of modern parenting to marriage, overstimulation, loneliness,

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mental load, and the absolute Olympic sport motherhood has become,

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Caitlin somehow manages to make women laugh while also making

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them feel deeply seen. So today we're talking about the

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lie of having it all together, why modern motherhood feels

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so isolating, the internet's impossible standards for women, and what

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actually happens when you stop pretending you're fine. So grab

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your lukewarm coffee, your wine, your laundry pile you've been

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ignoring for three days.

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No judgment.

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And let's get into it with Caitlin Murray from Big

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Time Adulting.

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Hi, thank you. Delighted to be here.

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And it's so funny because yesterday I was like, of course,

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scrolling through stories and someone had posted this video of

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a woman in a red light mask with a cigarette

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and I was dying laughing. I'm like, oh my gosh,

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that's Big Time Adulting about why people are not using

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the term shithead enough.

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And I was cracking up at that. So he made

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me laugh yesterday.

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And then also your New York, the Bergdorf Goodman story, too.

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I was laughing at that because I was there a

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few weeks ago. And the way you were describing it,

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I'm like, oh, my gosh.

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It's so crazy. I was in the city for a

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couple of things yesterday. And I was like, you know,

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I'm going to just like treat myself to do a

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little walkabout of Bergdorf's. And, you know, anytime you go

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in there, it's like a visual feast of stuff. But

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like the absurdity of some of these things, somebody actually

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sent me a message. They were like, looks like you

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haven't ever really been to the city before or something

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like that.

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And I said, I was like, well, I actually.

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lived in the city for 10.

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Years and I go to the city all the time

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it's still fucking ridiculous you know we now have to

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take ourselves so seriously but yeah but that was I

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love to have a little fun with stuff like that yeah.

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I will say I had such a great salad from

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that cafe though like I still think about it I

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forget what it was.

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Called it better it better be good it was.

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Like a seafood salad or something it was Yeah.

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Well, I had went because someone said you could like

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drink around all of the, um, the department stores. So

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I was like, Oh, I'm going to, I'm going to

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go try here. And, uh, but the salad did end up.

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Being really good.

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All right.

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Well, tell us about yourself. Tell us about your platform.

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How did you get started?

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Um, for those who probably everyone listening has heard of you,

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but maybe there's one or two.

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That has not.

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Oh yeah. I, I just, I started my Instagram page

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when I was pregnant with my third and I had

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at that point, uh, recently kind of left my job

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or I was like preparing to leave my job because

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I had one, my oldest child was in treatment for

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leukemia at the time. I had a middle child toddler

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and I was pregnant and between like the treatment and

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my third child coming along, it was just time for

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me to like I was really still only working part-time

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after my son had been diagnosed. That's sort of how

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this all came about. I should sort of start there

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and say in 2016, my oldest was diagnosed with leukemia.

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And as part of like that whole experience.

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Of handling what he was going through, what I was going.

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Through, all of as part of his treat, I was

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writing these email updates to family and friends. And it

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was just this sort of really therapeutic thing.

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Thing for me.

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To write about what was going on at that time

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and describe the way I was feeling on these long

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days at the hospital and the things that I saw

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and the way that those things made me reflect on life.

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And I really feel like that being able to write

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and put stuff down, pen to paper, if you will,

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at that time was like a real, that was my therapy.

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That was what really helped me get through all of

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that and process all of the emotions that I was

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feeling about this horrible thing that we were going through.

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And I had really discovered how much and started to

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sort of trust how much I loved to write at

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that time because I think I always loved to to write,

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but I had been getting such wonderful, nice feedback from

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people that had been reading what I wrote.

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I kind of wrote the way that I.

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Share, with a lot of rawness and authenticity. At least

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I hope that's what people get from me. I had

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had some conversations about potentially doing a book at some point.

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And I heard that, you know, that you really need

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like a platform if you ever want to have a

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book deal. So that's what sort of propelled me into

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starting this Instagram page. And I was just at this

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like peak insanity time of my life with being pregnant,

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having this toddler, having a child, a very sick child

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in treatment for cancer. And there just was so much

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going on in everyday life. And I already had had

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all of these feelings about motherhood prior to what we

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were going through. It's just that after my son got sick,

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I felt like I could say anything I really wanted.

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Like I really did not give a flying fuck what

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anyone thought about the way that I depicted motherhood on Instagram.

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I had really been in the trenches and I really knew,

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I feel like I really do know my worth as

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a mom and to care for a lot less about

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what sounded like what might be taboo or anything like that,

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things to say about motherhood. So that's, that's my story

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and how I got started. And it's all gone to

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a whole different level from whenever ever things that I

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have never anticipated happening, happening now, but it's been, yeah,

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very cool experience for me.

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Yeah. Did, Did you expect it to get like this big? No, never. No. Yeah.

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I mean, I, I like, I think the idea of

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anyone having like a million followers or more than a

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million followers on social media was like this very like unusual,

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like never going to happen pie in the sky thing.

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It wasn't even something that I, Like I really didn't

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think that that would be possible unless you were already

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famous kind of thing. You know, you see more of

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that now. I think then when I started, I started

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my page in 2018, late 2018, the beginning of 2019. And, um,

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I think with like the arrival of TikTok and like

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this extreme virality that people experienced in the pandemic and

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like now you can create content and go viral and

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get millions of followers, that sort of changed things for people.

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But yeah, that's definitely not something that I thought was

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going to happen to me.

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So then how about your book? How did that pan out?

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It's good.

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I just, right before we logged on here, I got

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an email back from my editor. I have like a

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kind of pretty, pretty final version of my book in

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my email inbox right now, but it won't publish until

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January 2027. So there's all this stuff that I guess

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has to be finalized between then and now.

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So exciting. So your brand is Big Time Adulting.

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When did you realize that adulting really wasn't a destination

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that we arrived to, but it's more of this simulation

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that we are all just trying to survive?

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I named my.

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Blog when I was writing about my son and stuff,

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Big Time Adulting, because I was really just joking, you know,

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because adulting was sort of this like trending word on

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the internet at that time of like people restocking their

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fridge or like cleaning their apartments on a Sunday, you know? And, um,

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I just was like getting a kick out of like,

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that's what people think is adulting. And I was there,

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I was with, you know, two, two kids went on

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the way, one in cancer treatment, doing all the things.

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I was like, this is fucking adulting.

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This is real adulting.

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Right.

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Yeah.

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But yeah, I always like to think like adulting next level,

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like top tier adulting is like constantly making decisions that

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are less fun, not fun.

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I know my daughter's always like, I can't wait to

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be an adult. I'm like, there's some fun things about it.

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But also the decision fatigue when you then become a mom, too,

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is just a lot.

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Yeah. But yes, I love that. I forgot about adulting.

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Like, as you're saying that, I'm going back to like, yes,

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I used to use that as well.

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Oh, adulting.

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Like, I think that was like when we just got

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our house and everything.

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That's funny. So we call this the Running Wine Mom.

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If you had an official cocktail, what would it be

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and how aggressively would it need to be shaken?

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Wow.

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I don't know if I could say that I have

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an official cocktail.

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I really like to.

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It depends on like what I'm eating, what the weather is,

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what time of year it is.

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So it ebbs and flows. But I do love to

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make margaritas and I like it shaken quite.

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Very hard.

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We just made margaritas this last weekend and it was

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like finally, you know.

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Yeah. it was so nice out yeah yeah um so

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you give A lot of tips on motherhood.

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One of the ones that I was looking at was

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when you're on the verge of a mental breakdown, you

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exit the room and you strongly consider leaving your family.

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What is the furthest that you've ever gotten in your

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head with that escape plan?

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Are we talking like hotel down the street or new life?

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No, nowhere, nowhere near that. That's never actually a consideration. No,

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definitely a joke. But I think it is like metaphorically speaking,

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good to take a beat sometimes when you're just, there

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are so many moments, even in a week, depending on

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what time of the month it is, for God's sake,

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that I feel like I'm really losing my mind sometimes.

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Like I'm so overwhelmed, so stretched thin on all of

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the things that I have to do, all the things

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to think about. And, um, I guess also, like, after

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having gone through, you know, this life-threatening illness with our son,

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and it has given me sort of, I think, that

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perspective of, like, step back, take a beat, what's important.

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It's not always easy to access that.

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When you're in a moment of, like, a mentee bee,

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a meltdown, or, like, something really, but, and those feelings

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are certainly, like, real and valid, and we are, I think, all, like,

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on the brink of major burnout at all times, or

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we already are just like doing a lot of life

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00:11:24.919 --> 00:11:27.870
on autopilot these days. You know, it's like my husband

225
00:11:27.909 --> 00:11:30.750
and I talk about it. He was saying not that

226
00:11:30.789 --> 00:11:34.080
long ago, something like just almost feels like we're just

227
00:11:34.120 --> 00:11:36.980
like doing life all of the time instead of like

228
00:11:37.179 --> 00:11:41.740
living life. It's just like, grinding every day all day

229
00:11:41.820 --> 00:11:43.769
with all the stuff that has to get done and

230
00:11:43.809 --> 00:11:46.789
go on that goes on with with life with kids

231
00:11:46.990 --> 00:11:49.990
and it changes at different phases like when my kids

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00:11:50.009 --> 00:11:53.500
were all like babies and toddlers it was that horrible

233
00:11:53.720 --> 00:11:57.799
lack of sleep lack of sleep predictability I joke sometimes

234
00:11:57.840 --> 00:12:00.590
like when I was in my 20s and going out

235
00:12:00.779 --> 00:12:04.330
in New York City partying till four o'clock in the

236
00:12:04.350 --> 00:12:08.009
morning and then on a Thursday and getting to my

237
00:12:08.029 --> 00:12:12.950
desk by, you know, like 845 on Friday and going

238
00:12:13.070 --> 00:12:14.389
on like no sleep.

239
00:12:14.860 --> 00:12:18.200
I was like, I'm an animal. I can handle a baby.

240
00:12:18.500 --> 00:12:19.440
Like how, how?

241
00:12:20.350 --> 00:12:22.730
The baby, a baby can't keep up with me, you know?

242
00:12:22.750 --> 00:12:27.230
And, um, and then you come to realize like, it's not,

243
00:12:27.669 --> 00:12:31.649
there's no, there's no control. Like if you're, you're, you're

244
00:12:31.750 --> 00:12:34.690
out a couple of nights or something when you're partying

245
00:12:34.730 --> 00:12:38.000
and you're like, you can still sleep in on Sunday,

246
00:12:38.029 --> 00:12:40.340
you know, you can get back a little, but it's

247
00:12:40.379 --> 00:12:44.840
just the sort of never ending, um, pain, torture of

248
00:12:44.980 --> 00:12:48.649
not knowing when and if you're going to sleep. And

249
00:12:48.850 --> 00:12:52.070
that's really hard. And then all, like, obviously taking care

250
00:12:52.110 --> 00:12:54.090
of your kids and everything else on top of that.

251
00:12:54.610 --> 00:12:56.610
Now my kids are a little older. I have that

252
00:12:56.690 --> 00:13:00.440
sleep predictability back. Like, for the most part, unless somebody's

253
00:13:00.519 --> 00:13:03.200
sick or, like, there are always the random things that

254
00:13:03.240 --> 00:13:03.679
pop up.

255
00:13:03.740 --> 00:13:07.159
Of course. But for the most part, I sleep.

256
00:13:07.639 --> 00:13:11.610
But now my days are, like, the weekend is, like,

257
00:13:11.659 --> 00:13:17.870
a non-stop freaking sprint through life. You know, the activity

258
00:13:17.929 --> 00:13:20.330
schedules and everything like that. So it's just like, go

259
00:13:21.009 --> 00:13:23.629
on to the next, next, next, next, next. Like never

260
00:13:23.929 --> 00:13:26.110
a time to breathe sometimes. Let's just get through this

261
00:13:26.169 --> 00:13:29.980
and then it'll be easier. And it's like, it's not really.

262
00:13:30.720 --> 00:13:34.279
We're just continuously. I will say for like any.

263
00:13:34.120 --> 00:13:38.080
Of moms that have little littles listening that I do

264
00:13:38.799 --> 00:13:42.700
way prefer older kids to the baby toddler phase.

265
00:13:42.919 --> 00:13:44.000
It is just amazing.

266
00:13:44.759 --> 00:13:47.500
So much more pleasant in my opinion, but still it's

267
00:13:47.519 --> 00:13:49.129
definitely like, it's a grind.

268
00:13:49.590 --> 00:13:51.169
No, I love to hear that because I feel as

269
00:13:51.190 --> 00:13:53.309
though so many people who their kids are a little

270
00:13:53.370 --> 00:13:54.509
older are like, oh my gosh.

271
00:13:54.549 --> 00:13:56.590
I just loved the baby face so much.

272
00:13:56.730 --> 00:13:59.549
I love, I wish they were little, but you know,

273
00:13:59.570 --> 00:14:02.909
I love to hear when, you know, the excitement of

274
00:14:02.990 --> 00:14:05.210
when they do get older. Mine are four and five.

275
00:14:05.289 --> 00:14:08.470
So I'm kind of like above the toddler, but not like.

276
00:14:08.309 --> 00:14:11.029
In that tween. Their personalities are so fun now.

277
00:14:11.080 --> 00:14:14.210
I'm like, I hope when in, you know, five, 10 years,

278
00:14:14.230 --> 00:14:16.149
it's the same feeling that I have.

279
00:14:16.370 --> 00:14:18.370
I know they'll be a little different, but you know,

280
00:14:18.669 --> 00:14:19.549
in a good way, hopefully.

281
00:14:19.809 --> 00:14:20.049
Yeah.

282
00:14:20.129 --> 00:14:23.690
I'm just like hitting that like tween, early teen phase,

283
00:14:24.090 --> 00:14:28.169
my two oldest kids. And, and so far it's like,

284
00:14:28.250 --> 00:14:30.789
there's definitely a lot of the girl drama with my,

285
00:14:31.110 --> 00:14:35.929
my middle, my daughter, but I'd still, I'll take that

286
00:14:36.169 --> 00:14:41.100
all day, every day over like The toddler boredom, the

287
00:14:41.139 --> 00:14:46.019
baby boredom, the like stuck, the trapped, the just monotony

288
00:14:46.379 --> 00:14:48.220
of everyday life at that point.

289
00:14:49.679 --> 00:14:51.960
And that's going to kind of lead into my next question,

290
00:14:52.000 --> 00:14:55.750
because you've spoken about how deeply lonely motherhood can feel,

291
00:14:55.950 --> 00:14:58.669
even when you're never alone. What do you think of that?

292
00:14:58.830 --> 00:15:01.250
What do you think is the root of that loneliness

293
00:15:01.330 --> 00:15:02.009
for women today?

294
00:15:02.850 --> 00:15:07.320
Yeah, I mean, it's so funny. I went through such long,

295
00:15:07.600 --> 00:15:11.519
intense periods of isolation due to our situation with my

296
00:15:11.620 --> 00:15:15.019
son and not being able to expose him to any germs.

297
00:15:15.639 --> 00:15:16.720
And that was.

298
00:15:16.899 --> 00:15:21.850
All on the precipice of the pandemic as well. So

299
00:15:21.870 --> 00:15:25.690
there were then like three years of mostly feeling pretty

300
00:15:25.789 --> 00:15:28.509
isolated with my little children.

301
00:15:28.529 --> 00:15:29.169
And then.

302
00:15:30.330 --> 00:15:33.419
heading into the pandemic was like doubling down on that

303
00:15:33.460 --> 00:15:38.620
a little bit. But even before my son got sick,

304
00:15:38.820 --> 00:15:41.019
like from the time he was diagnosed when he was

305
00:15:41.080 --> 00:15:44.940
three years old, in those first three years, it was

306
00:15:45.539 --> 00:15:50.470
really like the height of that feeling of isolation and

307
00:15:50.789 --> 00:15:54.330
loneliness being home with the baby. I mean, there's no, there's,

308
00:15:54.649 --> 00:15:57.830
there's no feedback, you know, you're just, it's, you're all

309
00:15:57.929 --> 00:16:01.509
in your own mind. I was, uh, I was working

310
00:16:01.570 --> 00:16:04.789
but part-time, and I was definitely the primary caregiver, and

311
00:16:04.809 --> 00:16:08.549
my husband has always worked really long hours up, like,

312
00:16:08.620 --> 00:16:11.460
before anyone else in the house is awake, usually, and

313
00:16:11.679 --> 00:16:17.279
home after bedtime, often. So I was really solo for

314
00:16:17.320 --> 00:16:20.399
those early years, and now still he works like a dog,

315
00:16:20.519 --> 00:16:24.899
but it just feels, it just does feel very isolating,

316
00:16:25.259 --> 00:16:31.549
and even when you do, you know, go out or

317
00:16:31.610 --> 00:16:33.649
something or get out of the house or you're around

318
00:16:33.690 --> 00:16:36.169
people or if you have some mom friend that you

319
00:16:36.220 --> 00:16:37.960
go for a walk with or meet up at the

320
00:16:37.980 --> 00:16:40.700
playground with like there's so many distractions it's hard to

321
00:16:40.720 --> 00:16:43.259
really lock in on a conversation with somebody when you

322
00:16:43.399 --> 00:16:45.259
have a kid around or when you're in charge of

323
00:16:45.320 --> 00:16:48.039
your children and I just think that there's just this

324
00:16:48.240 --> 00:16:52.450
like elongated period of living inside of your mind by

325
00:16:52.490 --> 00:16:56.429
yourself and that feels like for sure that's tough yeah

326
00:16:56.860 --> 00:16:58.500
I know with my daughter, I found out I was

327
00:16:58.539 --> 00:17:01.309
pregnant with my daughter March 8th, 2020.

328
00:17:01.309 --> 00:17:03.769
So like that whole pregnancy, that was my oldest.

329
00:17:03.970 --> 00:17:07.490
And it was like in complete isolation, basically, which I

330
00:17:07.509 --> 00:17:09.549
was like, okay, maybe this is why I feel this way.

331
00:17:09.789 --> 00:17:11.970
And then my son, he was like a summer baby

332
00:17:12.079 --> 00:17:14.599
and we were like nonstop back and forth from the shore.

333
00:17:14.680 --> 00:17:16.660
And like he, I mean, he was like three weeks

334
00:17:16.759 --> 00:17:18.480
old and we're like, we have a toddler, we need

335
00:17:18.519 --> 00:17:20.910
to be moving. And to the other part of it,

336
00:17:20.980 --> 00:17:23.359
it was like, I can't, I'm doing all of these

337
00:17:23.420 --> 00:17:26.289
things and I can't even like figure out what to

338
00:17:26.329 --> 00:17:28.880
do with myself. And yeah, even though you're doing stuff

339
00:17:28.910 --> 00:17:30.880
all the time, you still feel lonely. So I got

340
00:17:31.000 --> 00:17:32.400
I feel like I got two ends of it and

341
00:17:32.440 --> 00:17:35.180
it still felt lonely on both ends. Yeah. You know?

342
00:17:35.519 --> 00:17:41.039
Yeah. So you built your platform on humor. You have

343
00:17:41.140 --> 00:17:41.660
so much humor.

344
00:17:41.700 --> 00:17:44.410
But obviously, like you said, the story began during a

345
00:17:44.710 --> 00:17:48.569
really painful chapter with your son's leukemia diagnosis. How did

346
00:17:48.650 --> 00:17:51.329
humor kind of become survival for you during that time?

347
00:17:51.869 --> 00:17:52.930
I think it's always.

348
00:17:52.710 --> 00:17:56.839
Been like in my arsenal of defense mechanisms you know

349
00:17:56.859 --> 00:18:01.849
of coping mechanisms it's such a great gift and a

350
00:18:01.880 --> 00:18:04.690
great tool to use when times are hard like there

351
00:18:04.789 --> 00:18:07.049
is really that whole if you don't if you don't

352
00:18:07.109 --> 00:18:12.650
laugh you'll cry mentality about motherhood so often and um

353
00:18:12.910 --> 00:18:17.869
it can be just so absurdly crazy and challenging at

354
00:18:17.910 --> 00:18:23.069
times that really borders on that like maniacal like make

355
00:18:23.109 --> 00:18:24.890
you laugh because you're.

356
00:18:24.690 --> 00:18:26.670
Like my God, you know?

357
00:18:26.910 --> 00:18:29.039
So I don't think it was like hard for me

358
00:18:29.059 --> 00:18:31.660
to access that. I think it was just always there.

359
00:18:31.980 --> 00:18:34.700
And one of the things that like helped me keep

360
00:18:35.039 --> 00:18:37.839
sane and to be able to share it and then

361
00:18:37.960 --> 00:18:43.029
get sort of like that external feedback validation, um, a

362
00:18:43.109 --> 00:18:46.529
nut bag on the internet was really awesome, you know?

363
00:18:46.569 --> 00:18:49.480
Cause then you're like, I'm not alone in this. And

364
00:18:49.740 --> 00:18:52.609
people feel the same way. And they also feel, I think,

365
00:18:53.009 --> 00:18:55.529
like there was like a sense of relief all around.

366
00:18:55.609 --> 00:18:57.970
Like not just for like.

367
00:18:57.809 --> 00:19:00.619
People who saw some of the content, but also for me,

368
00:19:00.839 --> 00:19:01.200
you know.

369
00:19:02.940 --> 00:19:05.390
Nobody wants to feel... like they're.

370
00:19:05.250 --> 00:19:09.339
Alone in losing their minds with certain things that they're

371
00:19:09.380 --> 00:19:11.019
doing or things that are part of life.

372
00:19:11.799 --> 00:19:12.420
It is funny.

373
00:19:12.500 --> 00:19:14.759
I mean, you had just mentioned this, like you weren't

374
00:19:14.799 --> 00:19:19.819
prepared for the sleep deprivation, the exhaustion, and you had

375
00:19:20.140 --> 00:19:22.319
a bunch of friends who already had kids and stuff.

376
00:19:22.519 --> 00:19:26.589
I don't think anyone is ever really fully prepared for

377
00:19:27.269 --> 00:19:29.829
what motherhood especially.

378
00:19:29.390 --> 00:19:30.470
Is going to feel like.

379
00:19:31.390 --> 00:19:35.329
And and we're not really told we're like traditionally haven't

380
00:19:35.390 --> 00:19:38.160
been really told anything about like how hard it is.

381
00:19:38.180 --> 00:19:40.539
I think there was just more of like a rose

382
00:19:40.579 --> 00:19:45.740
colored lens surrounding the storytelling and the narratives of motherhood.

383
00:19:45.859 --> 00:19:48.829
So it it it is really nice to know that.

384
00:19:50.009 --> 00:19:53.130
you're not alone in that feeling and that something's not

385
00:19:53.230 --> 00:19:57.230
wrong with you and you're not like a defective mother. Yes.

386
00:19:57.690 --> 00:20:01.380
Yeah. Yeah. And sometimes I feel, I mean, my platform

387
00:20:01.430 --> 00:20:04.470
is much, not as big as, not even close to yours,

388
00:20:04.519 --> 00:20:06.619
but I do feel like sometimes when I post stuff

389
00:20:06.660 --> 00:20:08.799
that's like real and raw and people are responding and

390
00:20:08.819 --> 00:20:11.029
they're like, Oh my gosh, This is happening to me, too.

391
00:20:11.069 --> 00:20:12.759
This is happening to me, too. And I'm like, oh,

392
00:20:12.769 --> 00:20:13.210
my gosh.

393
00:20:13.710 --> 00:20:16.759
OK, this is not abnormal for me to be feeling

394
00:20:16.799 --> 00:20:17.319
this way.

395
00:20:17.519 --> 00:20:18.440
And so it is.

396
00:20:18.619 --> 00:20:21.940
I mean, everything that you're doing is truly touching people

397
00:20:22.039 --> 00:20:24.660
to be like, OK, this is not this is not

398
00:20:24.680 --> 00:20:25.059
just me.

399
00:20:25.079 --> 00:20:27.680
It's like there's that like there's a truth. There's a

400
00:20:27.720 --> 00:20:30.390
truth about what is going on. And then there is

401
00:20:30.529 --> 00:20:35.049
also just the aspect of being like honest in general

402
00:20:35.069 --> 00:20:37.920
about your feelings. So like even if it were not

403
00:20:38.029 --> 00:20:41.210
relatable to the masses or to other people or like

404
00:20:41.269 --> 00:20:44.329
a validating thing for somebody else to hear, read or see,

405
00:20:45.390 --> 00:20:52.180
everybody appreciates genuine like honesty. So it feels nice to

406
00:20:52.220 --> 00:20:54.039
hear people kind of like shoot from the hip.

407
00:20:54.380 --> 00:20:55.460
Right. I agree.

408
00:20:55.619 --> 00:20:59.009
So Instagram versus reality. What's the biggest lie the Internet

409
00:20:59.329 --> 00:21:00.750
does tell modern mothers?

410
00:21:02.309 --> 00:21:04.910
I don't know. I feel like I'm so far removed

411
00:21:04.990 --> 00:21:09.359
from what Instagram tells modern mothers or what it makes

412
00:21:09.440 --> 00:21:10.339
other moms feel like.

413
00:21:10.579 --> 00:21:11.880
I remember when.

414
00:21:11.880 --> 00:21:18.410
I was first having kids that Instagram wasn't really a

415
00:21:18.440 --> 00:21:21.910
thing at that point, especially not the way that it

416
00:21:22.049 --> 00:21:25.869
is now in the way that people really follow influencers

417
00:21:25.950 --> 00:21:29.769
or follow tent creators. It was very much more following

418
00:21:29.789 --> 00:21:35.210
your friends and family and stuff. there was like that,

419
00:21:35.589 --> 00:21:39.829
there was like a Pinterest perfect thing, like where, you know,

420
00:21:39.869 --> 00:21:42.710
you were starting to see these images of the way

421
00:21:42.750 --> 00:21:47.619
people were having their baby showers, decorating their nurseries, having

422
00:21:47.740 --> 00:21:51.000
first birthday parties, like, and that it was all like

423
00:21:51.220 --> 00:21:57.640
a theme and color coordinated. And there was just a lot,

424
00:21:57.819 --> 00:22:23.240
there was so much more curation to everything. Mm-hmm. I

425
00:22:23.319 --> 00:22:27.819
have an older set of followers too, like the grandparent age.

426
00:22:28.039 --> 00:22:31.359
And I have a newsletter that I write. And it's

427
00:22:31.380 --> 00:22:34.339
so funny because those are, that's the generation that will

428
00:22:34.400 --> 00:22:37.559
comment and write back to my newsletter postings.

429
00:22:37.599 --> 00:22:38.599
I'm like, this makes sense.

430
00:22:38.700 --> 00:22:41.539
They like to read and like write part of it.

431
00:22:41.539 --> 00:22:42.400
Yeah.

432
00:22:44.299 --> 00:22:47.039
It's those women that are like, God, I wish I

433
00:22:47.160 --> 00:22:51.390
had somebody saying stuff like this when I was raising

434
00:22:51.470 --> 00:22:53.670
my kids because I felt the same way and no

435
00:22:53.769 --> 00:22:57.089
one was saying anything like that back then. So there

436
00:22:57.109 --> 00:23:00.990
were definitely, there have been pressures on women and mothers, obviously,

437
00:23:01.109 --> 00:23:04.690
since before social media and before Pinterest and all of

438
00:23:04.710 --> 00:23:09.740
that bullshit. But like, it's fully, I mean, exploded since

439
00:23:09.920 --> 00:23:12.519
the dawn of social media and the internet.

440
00:23:12.599 --> 00:23:15.130
So... I don't know.

441
00:23:16.009 --> 00:23:18.910
I don't know if people have like rejected that more now,

442
00:23:18.970 --> 00:23:22.009
like young mothers like reject that or if they're still

443
00:23:22.049 --> 00:23:25.029
subscribing to like this perfect version of motherhood or what.

444
00:23:24.930 --> 00:23:25.569
They have to do.

445
00:23:26.049 --> 00:23:28.029
I don't know what the vibe is. I'm getting out

446
00:23:28.069 --> 00:23:29.650
of the loop down there. I got to figure it out.

447
00:23:29.730 --> 00:23:30.279
I got to find out.

448
00:23:30.670 --> 00:23:33.730
Well, I do feel like everything like there's I try

449
00:23:33.779 --> 00:23:36.759
to not follow creators that have that like perfect aesthetic

450
00:23:36.799 --> 00:23:38.720
because it just does not make me feel good about

451
00:23:38.759 --> 00:23:41.509
myself because I don't feel like I have that and

452
00:23:41.569 --> 00:23:43.569
I like whatever, you know, I love our house.

453
00:23:43.809 --> 00:23:46.769
But I don't have the white everything or the whatever.

454
00:23:46.789 --> 00:23:47.329
And what was it?

455
00:23:47.369 --> 00:23:50.589
The brown beige and, you know, in all of my

456
00:23:50.769 --> 00:23:54.970
my aesthetic. But yeah, it's definitely it's definitely hard with

457
00:23:55.210 --> 00:23:58.220
seeing all these curated pictures online that are filtered and

458
00:23:58.240 --> 00:24:00.259
you don't know what it is or it's like set

459
00:24:00.319 --> 00:24:03.619
up perfectly. You'll see some creators, you know, posting pictures

460
00:24:03.640 --> 00:24:05.920
with their kids. And it's really just like a corner

461
00:24:05.940 --> 00:24:08.500
of their house that they have perfect. And then the

462
00:24:08.539 --> 00:24:10.460
rest of their house is like a mess. And you're like, well,

463
00:24:11.299 --> 00:24:14.640
then that's not really what's happening. You're making me feel,

464
00:24:14.740 --> 00:24:16.279
you know, a certain way.

465
00:24:16.299 --> 00:24:16.940
So, yeah, I do.

466
00:24:17.279 --> 00:24:19.460
I think it's a mix.

467
00:24:19.500 --> 00:24:22.240
I think people are moving away from, you know, the

468
00:24:23.099 --> 00:24:23.910
conformity of it.

469
00:24:23.940 --> 00:24:26.079
But I think it's definitely still out there to see

470
00:24:26.119 --> 00:24:28.380
a lot of it, which is kind of hard. But also,

471
00:24:28.400 --> 00:24:31.539
like you said, back, you know, in the 90s and

472
00:24:31.859 --> 00:24:35.380
80s and 70s, 60s, they still had pressure as parents, too.

473
00:24:35.400 --> 00:24:37.349
It was just a different kind, I think.

474
00:24:37.880 --> 00:24:40.480
Yeah, I think that there was like, it was obviously

475
00:24:40.529 --> 00:24:43.769
like a more silenced vibe as well. There was just

476
00:24:43.970 --> 00:24:48.369
a lot less acceptance of speaking out against anything motherhood

477
00:24:48.410 --> 00:24:49.269
related that wasn't.

478
00:24:49.670 --> 00:24:49.970
Yeah.

479
00:24:50.289 --> 00:24:52.549
And that's, you know, we feel a lot of guilt

480
00:24:52.690 --> 00:24:54.930
as moms as well. We feel guilt when we work.

481
00:24:54.950 --> 00:24:56.569
We feel guilt when we don't. We feel it when

482
00:24:56.589 --> 00:24:59.230
we lose our patience. Like I always see posts of like, oh,

483
00:24:59.269 --> 00:25:01.049
I felt so guilty. I did this with my kid

484
00:25:01.089 --> 00:25:02.730
or I didn't do that with my kid or my

485
00:25:02.789 --> 00:25:04.910
friend is on vacation right now and she just texted me.

486
00:25:04.950 --> 00:25:05.210
I feel.

487
00:25:06.049 --> 00:25:08.509
like I'm being, you know, I'm guilty that I'm keeping

488
00:25:08.529 --> 00:25:11.069
the kids out too late. And I'm like, you're on vacation,

489
00:25:11.130 --> 00:25:14.329
like just, you know, enjoy yourself. But what advice would

490
00:25:14.369 --> 00:25:17.569
you give those moms who feel like they're failing, like

491
00:25:17.630 --> 00:25:18.839
how to give themselves grace?

492
00:25:19.779 --> 00:25:20.740
You know, I don't know.

493
00:25:21.039 --> 00:25:24.559
I guess like I think that what you're saying is

494
00:25:24.900 --> 00:25:27.220
what it is, is that we all feel like that.

495
00:25:27.420 --> 00:25:30.859
So that And I think that for some reason, we

496
00:25:31.259 --> 00:25:35.539
all think of ourselves as a lesser version than everybody

497
00:25:35.640 --> 00:25:38.240
else doing things. Like a lot of people, we just

498
00:25:38.339 --> 00:25:42.480
have those insecurities. We're all our own worst, hardest critics.

499
00:25:42.660 --> 00:25:46.190
And I think that like one of the things that

500
00:25:46.210 --> 00:25:51.220
I like to remind myself is that It doesn't matter

501
00:25:52.009 --> 00:25:55.450
what kind of parent you are, but you are the

502
00:25:55.490 --> 00:26:00.089
best parent for your kids. You're the person that knows

503
00:26:00.130 --> 00:26:02.859
your children the best. You're the one who's been there

504
00:26:02.920 --> 00:26:07.339
watching them, observing them. You know their nuances. And to

505
00:26:07.400 --> 00:26:11.869
have that as your superpower as a mom is the

506
00:26:11.980 --> 00:26:16.470
best thing for your kids. So while we're all like

507
00:26:16.730 --> 00:26:19.210
fucking up and failing, at least we all are like

508
00:26:19.269 --> 00:26:22.069
the best thing that there is for our own children.

509
00:26:23.089 --> 00:26:23.630
So true.

510
00:26:24.529 --> 00:26:26.849
And then we kind of talked a little bit earlier

511
00:26:26.890 --> 00:26:30.940
about just how like, like we're crazy with activities, overscheduling,

512
00:26:31.200 --> 00:26:34.779
pressure to optimize childhood as well. Do you think that

513
00:26:34.839 --> 00:26:37.359
modern parenting has become a competitive sport?

514
00:26:37.819 --> 00:26:43.769
I'm so unengaged in that mentality. I really don't subscribe

515
00:26:43.849 --> 00:26:47.390
to that. So maybe it has in some circles, and

516
00:26:47.430 --> 00:26:50.269
I'm sure that there are parents that engage in that

517
00:26:50.430 --> 00:26:52.609
sort of, we have to be the best at this,

518
00:26:52.710 --> 00:26:55.369
or we have to sign up for everything, or I

519
00:26:55.569 --> 00:26:59.430
have to volunteer for every single event that ever happens,

520
00:26:59.509 --> 00:27:02.609
that kind of thing. That goes along with the whole

521
00:27:02.710 --> 00:27:07.529
guilt mentality, and I really try not to subscribe to that,

522
00:27:07.710 --> 00:27:11.740
even though I do... end up feeling guilty um about

523
00:27:11.779 --> 00:27:15.480
stuff sometimes I think the deeper that I get into

524
00:27:15.720 --> 00:27:19.519
family life and like watching my family grow and seeing

525
00:27:19.579 --> 00:27:23.220
my kids become the people that they are I'm so

526
00:27:23.259 --> 00:27:26.259
much more focused on them as like people than I

527
00:27:26.480 --> 00:27:30.039
am about like what other outside stuff is going on

528
00:27:30.059 --> 00:27:35.150
and I I've tried to, like, stay true to just, like,

529
00:27:35.210 --> 00:27:37.670
trusting my gut in a lot of ways in terms

530
00:27:37.730 --> 00:27:40.859
of doing what I feel is best for them and

531
00:27:41.039 --> 00:27:43.619
me because I think what's best for you is also

532
00:27:43.680 --> 00:27:45.410
definitely what's best for your kids.

533
00:27:45.710 --> 00:27:46.089
Mm-hmm.

534
00:27:46.759 --> 00:27:49.519
Just seeing them become these.

535
00:27:49.339 --> 00:27:53.059
Like great kids who I really like and enjoy and

536
00:27:53.140 --> 00:27:58.470
respect as people has been, I guess, validation for me

537
00:27:58.569 --> 00:28:01.650
that like it's OK to just do things your own

538
00:28:01.730 --> 00:28:04.279
way and not have to write it.

539
00:28:05.119 --> 00:28:05.940
It is hard, though.

540
00:28:05.980 --> 00:28:09.200
Like, there are things, especially with sports, like, there are

541
00:28:09.299 --> 00:28:13.539
these mechanisms that are just churning that if you jump

542
00:28:13.599 --> 00:28:17.000
into it, it's really difficult not to go all of

543
00:28:17.079 --> 00:28:18.400
the way with certain things.

544
00:28:18.420 --> 00:28:18.619
Right.

545
00:28:28.259 --> 00:28:30.980
You either can say no to sports, like, but there

546
00:28:31.160 --> 00:28:35.380
is now at this, at this like juncture in, in

547
00:28:35.519 --> 00:28:38.630
youth sports, there's no existing.

548
00:28:38.150 --> 00:28:40.349
Like rec league anymore.

549
00:28:40.470 --> 00:28:45.549
Really? Like after a second or third grade, like that's over.

550
00:28:45.869 --> 00:28:48.369
And then it goes to the next level. And that's

551
00:28:48.430 --> 00:28:52.539
what the rec, the rec leagues are like abandoned. You

552
00:28:52.599 --> 00:28:53.460
sort of forced.

553
00:28:54.039 --> 00:28:57.099
Yeah, I know. I'm not looking forward to that. I

554
00:28:57.119 --> 00:28:57.839
love sports.

555
00:28:58.200 --> 00:29:00.349
I was very involved in sports and I'm just like

556
00:29:00.450 --> 00:29:03.390
not quite right. Especially my husband's schedule is also really crazy.

557
00:29:03.470 --> 00:29:08.549
So I don't know how I'm already having anxiety about

558
00:29:08.750 --> 00:29:10.609
like juggling all of it, you know.

559
00:29:10.829 --> 00:29:12.599
So I give all the moms out there so much

560
00:29:12.660 --> 00:29:13.279
credit for that.

561
00:29:13.519 --> 00:29:17.440
Since you've become so internet famous, what's the weirdest part

562
00:29:17.480 --> 00:29:19.180
of all of that? Like, are you in Target and

563
00:29:19.200 --> 00:29:22.640
people are just coming up to you? Trauma dumping or

564
00:29:22.940 --> 00:29:24.220
how do you react to all of that?

565
00:29:24.309 --> 00:29:24.869
Sometimes everything.

566
00:29:25.410 --> 00:29:28.549
Yeah, that's the weirdest thing. Like when you go around

567
00:29:28.630 --> 00:29:30.579
and people recognize you everywhere.

568
00:29:30.779 --> 00:29:32.549
Yeah. What do your kids think about it?

569
00:29:32.700 --> 00:29:37.400
They're kind of used to it. Um, yeah, it's been

570
00:29:37.440 --> 00:29:40.059
happening for a few years now, I'd say. So like

571
00:29:40.099 --> 00:29:43.740
they were pretty young when that started. It's not like crazy.

572
00:29:43.819 --> 00:29:46.119
It's not like I need like a security guard or

573
00:29:46.259 --> 00:29:49.680
anything like that, but usually wherever we go, people will

574
00:29:49.700 --> 00:29:52.390
come up and say something, but it's a really nice

575
00:29:52.589 --> 00:29:57.049
and brief for the most part. So it's extremely manageable.

576
00:29:57.289 --> 00:29:59.759
I just, uh, Yeah, but.

577
00:29:59.680 --> 00:30:02.769
You do sort of forget that you're no longer just

578
00:30:02.809 --> 00:30:05.450
an anonymous face at all times.

579
00:30:06.109 --> 00:30:06.670
Right.

580
00:30:06.769 --> 00:30:12.299
But luckily, I don't try to pretend to be anything.

581
00:30:14.039 --> 00:30:15.119
Yeah. Yeah.

582
00:30:15.200 --> 00:30:16.019
You are who you are.

583
00:30:16.200 --> 00:30:18.240
No, you know, I'm just thinking it would be so funny.

584
00:30:18.319 --> 00:30:20.059
I don't know if you saw all of the like

585
00:30:20.420 --> 00:30:25.420
Coachella parodies where they had like people that were I

586
00:30:25.440 --> 00:30:28.549
guess a lot of the influencers there had like security

587
00:30:28.710 --> 00:30:31.410
at Coachella for like, you know, no real reason.

588
00:30:31.450 --> 00:30:33.150
And there was a lot of parodies about that.

589
00:30:33.170 --> 00:30:35.089
But I'm just thinking like you should do a parody

590
00:30:35.109 --> 00:30:38.990
like that of you in Target with like security and

591
00:30:39.029 --> 00:30:40.640
mom's trying to come up to you.

592
00:30:40.519 --> 00:30:42.819
To talk to you. But yeah, oh my gosh, they

593
00:30:42.859 --> 00:30:43.609
were cracking me up.

594
00:30:44.509 --> 00:30:45.170
That's hilarious.

595
00:30:45.329 --> 00:30:45.569
All right.

596
00:30:45.769 --> 00:30:49.069
Let's do a quick round. Whatever comes to the top

597
00:30:49.250 --> 00:30:52.369
of your mind for these. What sound or.

598
00:30:52.349 --> 00:30:54.130
Noise in your household do you love?

599
00:30:55.329 --> 00:30:55.670
Laugh.

600
00:30:55.970 --> 00:30:58.950
Laughing. Which one do you absolutely dread? Screaming.

601
00:30:59.230 --> 00:31:01.690
If your kids had to describe your parenting style in

602
00:31:01.730 --> 00:31:02.990
just one word, what would it be?

603
00:31:03.190 --> 00:31:04.730
Strict. Complete the sentence.

604
00:31:04.859 --> 00:31:08.039
You know you've officially crossed over into big time adulting

605
00:31:08.119 --> 00:31:10.079
when you are genuinely excited about.

606
00:31:10.910 --> 00:31:13.869
Going to the dentist. I do get excited about that now.

607
00:31:14.089 --> 00:31:17.670
If motherhood had a warning label, what would yours say? Oh, God.

608
00:31:17.690 --> 00:31:20.630
I don't know. Don't believe everything you hear.

609
00:31:20.950 --> 00:31:24.039
And what is one totally random thing that now feels

610
00:31:24.079 --> 00:31:25.259
like a luxury as a parent?

611
00:31:25.880 --> 00:31:26.579
Sitting down.

612
00:31:27.220 --> 00:31:30.559
Well, this conversation was just the breath of fresh air

613
00:31:30.640 --> 00:31:32.559
that I feel like a lot of us needed, as

614
00:31:32.640 --> 00:31:36.859
you always show on your platform and now through this conversation.

615
00:31:37.299 --> 00:31:39.680
But I'm going to leave with one more question. What

616
00:31:39.779 --> 00:31:42.299
is your definition of a life well-adulted?

617
00:31:42.519 --> 00:31:48.119
Man, I think it's just, like, kind of trying to

618
00:31:48.289 --> 00:31:54.130
appreciate a moment a day, you know, where you're actually

619
00:31:54.230 --> 00:31:58.930
present for something, whether it's to do with your kids

620
00:31:59.190 --> 00:32:04.089
or just staring out the window observing, like... a beautiful

621
00:32:04.170 --> 00:32:08.390
tree or a bird or something like that, where you're

622
00:32:08.450 --> 00:32:11.759
just there for a minute. With the mind of a mom,

623
00:32:11.890 --> 00:32:15.559
it's really hard to stop it and feel present when

624
00:32:15.579 --> 00:32:17.759
there is actually just so much to do at all

625
00:32:17.819 --> 00:32:24.660
times and so many open tabs. It's really, really hard

626
00:32:25.039 --> 00:32:28.140
to turn your mind off. And I think it's actually

627
00:32:28.200 --> 00:32:32.859
just really bad for our minds and are in for

628
00:32:32.920 --> 00:32:36.990
our memories and for our, our attention spans. And so

629
00:32:37.009 --> 00:32:40.470
I think if you can kind of put that into

630
00:32:40.549 --> 00:32:45.130
practice to stop for a minute a day to just be,

631
00:32:45.329 --> 00:32:49.789
be there wherever, whatever you're doing, um, it builds and

632
00:32:49.849 --> 00:32:53.630
helps like to, I'm not very good at it, but

633
00:32:54.210 --> 00:32:57.950
that's what I'm trying to focus on like more now. Yeah.

634
00:32:58.309 --> 00:33:01.789
It's hard. It's really hard. Um, You know, like.

635
00:33:01.650 --> 00:33:04.390
Instead of picking up your phone to scroll or check

636
00:33:04.410 --> 00:33:06.910
your messages or check your email or whatever it is,

637
00:33:07.009 --> 00:33:10.079
like stare at a wall for a couple of minutes,

638
00:33:10.259 --> 00:33:12.390
like what, whatever.

639
00:33:12.410 --> 00:33:15.539
And it's uncomfortable for a lot of people to do that.

640
00:33:15.619 --> 00:33:18.019
But I think the more you practice it, the more,

641
00:33:18.039 --> 00:33:20.259
I guess, comfortable it gets. I don't know.

642
00:33:20.319 --> 00:33:22.640
I'm still not comfortable in just like complete silence.

643
00:33:22.759 --> 00:33:25.519
And yeah, it's hard this day and age with like

644
00:33:25.559 --> 00:33:28.720
the distraction of the phone to just even stay in

645
00:33:28.819 --> 00:33:30.180
one place for very long. Yeah.

646
00:33:30.549 --> 00:33:33.640
Do that. All right. Well, I loved this conversation. Thank

647
00:33:33.660 --> 00:33:36.119
you so much for coming on. I really appreciate it.

648
00:33:36.480 --> 00:33:37.359
This was so fun.

649
00:33:37.640 --> 00:33:37.940
Yeah.

650
00:33:38.420 --> 00:33:39.960
Thanks for having me. Yeah.

651
00:33:40.099 --> 00:33:42.339
So as always, thank you for spending time with us

652
00:33:42.380 --> 00:33:44.789
today on The Running Wine Mom. Don't forget to subscribe,

653
00:33:44.829 --> 00:33:46.930
leave a review and share this episode with a mom

654
00:33:46.970 --> 00:33:48.680
who needs to hear it. You can follow me on

655
00:33:48.740 --> 00:33:52.509
Instagram at TheRunningWineMom underscore. And Caitlin, where can the listeners

656
00:33:52.549 --> 00:33:52.970
find you?

657
00:33:53.109 --> 00:33:54.630
Big time adulting. Awesome.

658
00:33:54.710 --> 00:33:56.359
And I will link that. Thank you so much for

659
00:33:56.380 --> 00:33:58.519
joining us today. Remember, you are strong, you are capable,

660
00:33:58.559 --> 00:34:00.740
and you are all amazing. Until next time, keep running,

661
00:34:00.759 --> 00:34:04.529
keep sipping, keep laughing, and embracing the joy of motherhood.

662
00:34:04.690 --> 00:34:06.210
Cheers, and I'll be back next Tuesday.