Chanel Valentine Haynes: Embracing Her Legacy While Building Her Own

0:03 Do you have people who think that they know you so it gives them a certain level of entitlement. Welcome back to the Running Wine Mom podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Slinsky aka the Running Wine Mom. As women, we are constantly told we have to choose a box. Are you an ambitious boss or are you the soft, nurturing mother. Are you building a legacy or are you holding down the home front. Can you love luxury and high fashion while also doing gritty on glamorous work of healing and self discovery. Well, my guest today is living proof that you don't have to choose, You can want and have it all. Chanelle Valentine Haynes is an entrepreneur, at creator, a mother, and the brilliant mind behind the Mom for Life platform, where she is completely redefining what it means to nurture ourselves and our ambitions. Now, you might also know her last name, and you might know her dad as Hip Hop Royalty. But today we are peeling back the public perception, the social media grids and the headlines to talk to the women behind the visibility. We're diving into the reality of balancing boss energy with deep softness and what it actually takes to reinvent yourself when the whole world thinks they already know.

1:17 Who you are. So without further ado, let's welcome Chanelle. Welcome, Thank you so much, thanks for having me. That introduction was amazing. Well, you're amazing. I loved researching. I love researching all my guests, but it's just so wonderful to highlight what my guests are doing. And I think it's important to remember that you are doing such amazing thing for the world. So, besides my intro, tell everyone about yourself. Well, I am a thirty tween year old mom of one, and I have been an entrepreneurship almost all my life. I've had several jobs here and there. I've lived in two different states for more than two years. Pretty, i would say, extrovert.

2:02 Pretty extroverted. I love a family time and getting out and doing athletic things. I'm very competitive. I've always wanted a boy as a child, two boys, to be specific, but one for right now. I've always created since a child, I've always created something, but something that always came from me wanting to better the world in some sort of way, like me always wanting to find a solution to a problem. Around me or a problem that I was saying. I think being exposed to so much at a young age allowed me to not only see the issues, but seeing my dad prosper in what he has done has made me believe that I can also be a person that can solve these issues. So yeah, my podcast is just one of those many that I wanted to speak and give a platform to women mothers like myself that touch subjects that a lot of people may fear to touch or also you know, want to talk about and just don't have that comfortability in that platform to reach people with.

3:10 That's amazing and so important and I am excited to talk about that. I want to talk a little bit about you, because when you walk into a room, there is sometimes a name that's often maybe walking in before you do. When did you realize that you had to really actively work to ensure that you know, your spirit was louder than your last name. Great question. I don't really know the age, but I can feel that moment when I think about it, of when I was like, okay, if you want to make the impact, and again, the impact doesn't have my mindset, wasn't that it had to be as brand as my dad's impact. But because you're already on a platform, it's going to be more than you, more than me. I think at the time, I want to say a particular time was in college. I felt like in college I decided last minute to even go to college for art instead of sports. And that switch for me was because I wanted to do music and I wanted to be an entertainer, and I knew like, in order for me to make my own name or just to have a name that again stood next to my dad versus under my dad in a sense, right, it was going to be me creating my tribe in college, right, or doing the things that was gonna make me connections and be amongst the people. I figured that out in college. I feel like one of the moments and well, what were

4:42 you going to go to college for sports? What was that original? Basketball? Basketball? I loved basketball. Basketball was my sport too. Yes, okay, we got the position? Were you a point guard and shooting guard? Me too? Yes, yes, yeah, I was a two yeah, and then point guard when you know, when needed, I. Guess yeah, yeah, yeah, you're saying it, saying yeah, I love that. So you know, I think people assume growing up around fame, that's gonna automatically equal confidence, but sometimes visibility it really makes people hyper aware of themselves. To being connected to someone famous make you more secure or more self conscious growing.

5:26 Up, more self conscious growing up. And I have to say, I know I keep saying good questions, but that right there, I've never been asked before on the several interviews that I've done overall, just and I really like touching on this because I have touched on before through my platform about me having acne at in high school and how I went to a predominantly white high school, middle school and it was a private school at that and I just struggled with my appearance, believe it or not, like I felt like I was because majority looked a certain way, that I was standing out and that I wasn't as beautiful as presented, as presenting as others. So I definitely struggled with feeling like that on top of having all the eyes on me all the time, right mm hmm, Yeah, and on top of being a minority in my school. Yes, so I used humor, believe it or not, I was a very I was a very talkative kid in class. Yes, I was very funny. I got along with a lot of people. I was in a lot of different crews and clicks and still was like social. It didn't really stop me from being social, but I will say it definitely affected my relationships because I was just very I was like, I feel like people think I'm supposed to be like my acthting's supposed to be clear because I have money, and they think that I'm supposed to just have it figured out, and you know, because I didn't.

6:56 It was just like it really it really hindered myself in a lot of different ways. Yes, I really cannot imagine being a teen going through all of the things that teens are already going through and then just like having this spotlight on you and then like you said, you're you already have the spotlight on you, and you're in this space where you know, there's the blonde hair, white skin, and that's already different than yours. And I'm sure it totally I could see how that makes someone feel like, you know, yeah, it's probably very hard. So I applaud you for you know, working through that. I mean, I'm sure it's better now.

7:37 Hopefully it's better now. Yes, yes, yes, so kind of in that realm. Let's talk a little bit about maybe modern dating, because it's really crazy out there. But add in again the public spotlight to when you know you're dating, it's a whole different game. How do you kind of vet a man to make sure he's interested in Chanelle the woman and not that spotlight around you. Well, when I was vetting, I would say it was one of those things were like time would tell. I know, it's very cliche, but time definitely tails. And I used to be big on like putting things to the test here and there, but then I just learned comically, it kind of messes up the game a little bit, if you know what I mean. You know, so I kind of just I really just focused on doing my own thing.

8:30 I focus on showing up as me and then just being clear minded enough and being intentional enough that things happen and I'm able to catch it because things are always happening, right, It's more about me seeing what's happening and acknowledging it and accepting it for what it is, versus trying to make it into something else or you know. So it's very hard. It's always been tough. Girl, Like if you asked me. I was supposed to be heard by now. I was supposed to have my kid at like twenty five. I was supposed to have found my person so long ago without the work and the you know, the groundwork. I feel like I've done with just growing and you know, things naturally happening. But timing is everything, I guess, you know, just like I do believe timing.

9:24 Yeah, I do believe timing is everything, even though it is annoying to sit there and say, like, your time will come, but yeah, and probably very difficult, you know, yes, but I think I think it will. And you want to, you know, you don't want to settle for someone just because like you're of a certain age, and I think that is something important that just everyone needs to kind of remember. You know that you're worth. Your partner's just supposed to like highlight some things about you. You know, Yeah, you're already a great person. Thank you. Function. I want him to say something about that, right because I saw a post the other day and it said it's settling, really settling, like meaning when you look up and you think like, Okay, I'm in this relationship with somebody and things aren't as good, you know, I met them at a certain point in their life, or meet me at a certain point in my life.

10:19 Right as mothers after a baby, we tend to spike a change very quickly. So the males might stay the same. Some might grow very quickly as well. It just depends on the mail. But let's just say they don't change right away. Right. Some will say if you stick it out with them, that you're settling because here you are very mature and the other person hasn't caught up yet. Right, so here I am. If I'm stay in this, I might be settling because he hasn't reached the potential that I now see that I want, because back then the potential probably was fine. Like back then I was ofcome with the things that he was doing and the things that he put you know it was And even if I wasn't rolling with them, you still stuck around to see. Right, So here you are, like I said, past motherhood and the maturity has hit you as a woman. But then your God might got caught up yet again. Is it really settling or are you just ditching that problem now because you feel like you've shot up in maturity and he's behind. Well, if I look at it like that you're gonna continue to leave people behind because how many people are gonna change when you change exactly at that time?

11:29 How many people are going to are you going to catch up with? If you do find somebody better at this at this particular moment, you don't know what they're if their position is going this way or this way from who they are now, you know what I'm saying. So I definitely think it's about you know, finding that person that you're going to stick with and you know, stick with them, and that's why I'm at now. So yeah, no, I totally agree. I think I think we all evan flow at different points of our life, and you're absolutely correct, like hopefully we're not the same person that we were when we were you know, fifteen or twenty five or thirty five, but like we're going to be growing in different you know time and hopefully, like if you have the right person, you're gonna grow and they're gonna see, Okay, look at how they leveled up. I want to level up with you.

12:25 If that's the right person that you're supposed to be with, you know. It, Yes, And it's definitely those core things, right, I guess when you know, there's there's the core things like you know, I would say personally like physical harm and stuff like that, like okay, yeah, like don't like. But that's anyone. That's not just relationships, right, if you're in a parent a parent child relationship, a sibling relationship, you know, you put boundaries up when things hit back forward. But again that's general, that's not just settling in a relationship. So like you're saying, like, at least if that person is saying, like, hey, I'm trying, I'm willing to grow, why you're growing, And again it may not look the way I'm learning too, it may not look the way that it looked when you were growing, you know what I'm saying. So even that within itself I had to learn and honestly motherhood has taught me this because my dating life before this and before my child's father, I would say it was very fast, very quick, very like, oh if this doesn't match, I'm moving on to the next mm hmm it, you know, just to get a bit personal too. I'm not a person that just has to be intimate to see where things go, you know, sexually, So it was definitely like if the vibe wasn't right in the first two weeks. I was like cutting things short and I'm like, girl, you're not even giving it time. Yeah, you know, you're like, let's move. What's moving. So I definitely appreciate the growth that motherhood does for people, for

13:58 mothers in general, but definitely for me and how it is set relationships. Yes, yes, yeah, that is one of my favorite things about becoming a mom is really like growing into this whole new person of myself and just like figuring out the things that you've been kind of putting up with for so long that you're like, I'm done with this, and then really like for myself, I know, I've just grown and I you know, I think that was one of the questions that I had for you about when you became a mom, like you flourished in motherhood versus I think, you know, sometimes we think motherhood has to stop our ambition, you know, someone like you like really just took it and went with it and and you know, you started your podcast and showing people talking and showing up for like real life issues that we didn't know about before we became moms, you know, and then.

14:56 Thank you for that. Yeah, that's that's just what it's been about. Yeah, I just kind of grabbed this shit by the horns. I feel like I've always kind of been like that, But you know, I also feel like it's about and you tell me how you feel about it too, because I also feel like it's about just pacing myself too. Like I've always been the grabbing things by the horns girl. But like I'll get washed out, I'll get I'll get burnt out quicker, I'll start something and then kind of like you know, I'll push it off to the side after a while. And I realized that pattern. It is just like sometimes going full throttle in the beginning and then not really pacing myself through whether it's entrepreneurship, artistry, relationships. It costs you to cause you to not quicker.

15:38 So yeah, I totally totally relate to that because I'm always trying to like, Okay, how can what can we do? Similar and like the entrepreneurial entrepreneurial mindset of like how can we fix this? And then you're like, oh, I'm gonna fix this problem, and then like two weeks later you're like, wait, there's another problem I need to fix. Let's hold on on that problem if you're saying it. So, yeah, kind of to go with that, A lot of women want, you know, softness, they want luxury, they want love, motherhood, but they also want that ambition and independence. Do you think that women are like finally allowing themselves to want all these versions of fulfillment instead of just like choosing an identity.

16:22 I definitely think so. I think it shows up a lot more now than it probably ever has, especially from the root of Look, I should have had my little glass wine. I'm totally not in the spirit right now. I'm like, sorry, it's been a day. I was like, it's what it's about. Cheers, Yes, cheers. So I feel like, yeah, definitely more now, definitely more now. Yeah, definitely. And then you started this awesome brand, Mom for Life, and it really does feel like a little bit deeper than just motherhood content. What emotional gap are you trying to fill when you created this? To pinpoint an emotional gap would be me saying I've always been a mom like my entire existence, Like I was.

17:13 My mom was sixteen when she had me, so I pretty much grew up with her. Yeah, my dad was so my mom was sixteen and pregnant seventeen when she had she she has been getting on me with this ever since I've started podcasting and doing an interviews. She's like, girl, I was sixteen and pregnant and I was seventeen when I had you Like, like, don't take me down another notch I can. So I'm like, Okay, she was seventeen. I say that to say a sentis to say I've always and then she had my brother at twenty, so I have a brother, a little brother. So I've always felt just naturally responsible emotionally, like I was my mom's everything, her rock, her everything, emotionally, spiritually, you know her every whatever you believe in that state. So I've always kind of heavinly felt like I was like the head. I just always felt like the Hey, my dad wasn't there after he got on. He wasn't there in the household physically or able to be there every single day to like relieve my mom of some things or financially. Yes, once things took off right, but at first, you know, just two young kids figured it out and here I am.

18:25 You know, once you get a certain age and like and Toddler stays, you understand emotions, You know what I'm saying. So for me, yes, once I start noticing that I've had this ability emotionally to DiscId from what I was feeling right and channel into what my parents were feeling, my mom specifically, I feel like I've just always been that nurturer or trying to figure things out in that type of way. Right. Yeah, I didn't even know that I told my grandmother and them. They told me once I had my baby that I told them what I was going to be when I grow up, grew up, was going to be a mother. I got the chills.

19:05 So sweet, it's crazy, right, And I didn't have my baby till I was pregnant twenty nine at some year. It's wow, okay, yeah yeah, And isn't it like funny too, not I mean not really funny, but like I guess admirable to see at like our ages, when our parents had us at like what age, you know, at twenty nine, your mom had you know, a twelve or thirteen year old, and just how interesting it is with like, wow, I can't believe that, you know, they were able to she was able to raise think. I just think about that with my mom a lot, because she had me at twenty seven, but I wasn't. I was thirty four when I had my kids, which I know is in a huge age gap, but I'm always like, oh my gosh, this age wait they were this.

19:53 Age and I'm like I can't, like, how did you do it? How did they do that? Yeah? Absolutely, absolutely that is something that has definitely it helped me. And this is gone kind of there with it, but it really helped my healing process with my mom being so young. Just remember I mean like if I was sixteen I had a baby, Like I don't really know. Yeah. Yeah, So the graatest is like, yeah, like I it's mind blowing, it's mind blowing. Yeah, it does give it definitely, you know, a different perspective. Okay, so a lot of women listening are in a weird season where they are. They're trying to lead businesses, they're trying to raise kids, they're trying to heal themselves. They're trying to look good, stay emotionally available and not completely lose our.

20:40 Minds, which doesn't always happen. But how do you how do you personally balance feminine energy with being a boss? Good question. G I'm still really figuring it out. I will say that, but a few tips that has helped me, well, look, yes, okay, a few tips that I would say has helped me along the way is letting the men in my life be the man, be the man. I have no desire to technically do it all. I really don't. Just kind of follow my intuition of just wanting to use my gifts to give back, right, whether that's podcasting, artistry. So I do that when I can how I can. And then I think that it's mainly about focusing on you got to focus on yourself. You just got focused on yourself.

21:30 I know the momentum, not the momentum. I know the past dynamic between men and women were you know, the man, the women completely pour into the man, and you know they you know, bring everything together financially, et cetera. But I do feel like, and I would have to research, so this is not facts, Do not quote me. I do feel like the women back then that did have that strategy really didn't get to see themselves in the life that they wanted to see themselves in. Like I'm sure they had an image in their head of things that they wanted to do. How they saw themselves throughout their entire lifetime, and I believe that a lot of those milestones and things that they wanted to do hadn't been reached because the idea was more about foreign in to someone else. Right, So for me, I truly believe I'm a little selfish when it comes to like truly believing foreign to yourself, Like whether that is definitely taking time to yourself m hm, definitely catering, letting people cater to you. Don't not the ones to say, oh no I don't need that, Oh no, it's okay, I'll do it for you, like no, sure, thanks. I love that more people need to do that. Yes, yes, I agree.

22:50 I think the world will go more round versus like this and people like let people do what they need, what they want to do for you and what they mm hmm yeah, yeah, that's awesome. All right. I want to do a couple of quick fire questions for you. So whatever comes to your mind. Okay, if your current chapter of life was a song title, what would it be a song? Tito? That's so hard, birl, because I just listened to me the all day and then you have the biggest brain part about the title. No, look, you have done me the favorite already then like letting me know, I just okay, song title Okay, I can't think of on mic a second, but I can give you a category.

23:35 It would have to definitely be a Christian song, Okay, probably like Grace and Mercy or and I don't even know if that's the name of the song. That's just one of the lyrics that I love. That probably definitely my dad song Heard of a Champion. Oh, I love that one. I love that song. I just came in my mind. Now is your yes? That is a good one. What is your ultimate non negotiable definition of a luxury experience? And it doesn't necessarily have to cost money. And on resort without a budget. Just me and my child know budget resorts have everything you need?

24:22 Yes, that is yes, yes, and maybe some like some extra hand like childcare there too would. Be You'd be like a good yeah. Yeah, everything. What's the biggest ick in modern dating right now? What's one thing people assume about you that's completely wrong. That I mean, or that I'm that probably that I mean and that I think that I'm better and. People, Yeah, well, I've only known you for about twenty five minutes, and I do not find that they're wrong. They are completely wrong. I'll say that now I do have a say to the power. I would say right, And that's just from just the position that I'm ma and girl, you gotta be a little you gotta be a little you know what I'm saying. Yeah, you just have to be because you have people who think that they know you, so it gives them a certain level of what is the word I'm looking for, entitlement? There is a audacity, Yes, audacity, entitlement, all of that. And because of that, I had to literally put up a nice or you just have a little tolerance. Yeah, I guess that's good. That's awesome. Yeah.

25:35 And if your if your son could describe your parenting style in one word, what would it be? Fun? One word or how many words you can do a couple? Go ahead, Encouraging. I'm like one, fun is not going to be my damn word. I know. Definitely, enthusiastic, I would say, disciplinaried and encouraging. I love that. That's awesome. All right, Well, this this conversation has been so fun. I'm going to wrap it up with one more question. So you have spent so much of your life navigating who the world wanted you to. Be versus who you actually are. If the little girl you used to be was sitting on the couch next to you or with you, what would she say to you the woman you've become.

26:21 Mm hmm, now that one just gave me chill. She'd be so proud of me. I've never been asked this question either. She definitely would say thank you for continuing to keep going. Just yes, I love that. That was good. You. Well, I think that's gonna be a great place to end it. So thank you. Oh my gosh, thank you. This conversation was so great. I loved it. Thank you for spending the time with us. Yeah, thank you for having me. Thank you for having me, thank you for finding me. Like you see why your podcast is weired is like the questions are just very intentional and very you know, flowy, like you do great and like articulating and just bringing out the best in people and me and myself specifically. Yes, So thank you, thank you, thank you.

27:15 That is Yes, that's such a nice compliment. I really appreciate that. And I love I am an extrovert, so I love learning about people. I love conversation. So this podcasting has truly been like the best thing that I've added into my life. So I appreciate when people say that I'm not wasting my time with it. That's no, you're not. You're absolutely not. So thank you everyone for spending time with us today on The Running Wine Mom. Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. You can follow me on Instagram at the Running Wine Mom underscore and Chanel Where can the listeners find you? Yes, you can find me on Instagram at the Life of Valentine Underscore. You can also find my podcast at Mom for Life Podcasts on Instagram. I'm also on Facebook with my personal page, the Life of Valentine. Yeah, that's pretty much it awesome.

28:07 Yeah, that's great and I will link all of that. So thank you so much for joining us today. Remember you were strong, you were capable, and you were all amazing. Until next time, keep running, keep sipping, and keep embracing the joy of motherhood. Teersday. I will be back next Tuesday. Yeah, cheers.