Oct. 6, 2026

Generational Healing: Breaking Family Patterns & Rewriting What Our Kids Inherit with Dr. Shainna Ali

Generational Healing: Breaking Family Patterns & Rewriting What Our Kids Inherit with Dr. Shainna Ali
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Dr. Shainna Ali: mental health counselor, educator, advocate, and bestselling author of The Self-Love Workbook — joins Samantha to talk about her newest book, Generational Healing: Shifting Patterns, Creating Change.In this conversation, Dr. Shainna shares the real clinical definition of self-love ("the practice of accepting, caring for, and intending to yourself"), why parenthood reawakens generational patterns and why that isn't backsliding, her own story of living with undiagnosed childhood anxiety, and the rushing pattern she traced back through her Guyanese heritage — and how she now answers it with "I am safe now."They also get into the practical stuff: what to do when you have zero bandwidth (surviving is the healing), why boundaries are gates with key codes rather than walls, why the book never asks anyone to forgive or reconcile, what it means that you are already an ancestor, how to reparent yourself while actively parenting your kids, and how to tell mom burnout apart from just being tired. She closes with the book's final line — "the radiance was always within you" — and one thing to do differently at the dinner table tonight.Links mentioned in this episode:

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Because there's mostly moms listening here that's just a given

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truth if you have a child you are already an ancestor.

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Welcome back to the Running Wine Mom podcast. I'm your host,

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Samantha Selinsky, aka the Running Wine Mom. Today's guest is

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someone I've been so excited to talk to.

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Dr.

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Shaina Ali is a mental health counselor, educator, and advocate

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that literally wrote the book on self-love. Actually, she's written

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six of them, including Self-Love Workbook with over 100,000 copies sold.

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Her newest book, Generational Healing, Shifting Patterns, Creating Change, is

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all about the patterns we inherit from our families and

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and the ones we get to rewrite for our own kids.

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She's been featured in Vogue, ABC News, NBC, The Washington Post,

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and today she's on my podcast.

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So, Dr. Shana, welcome to the show.

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Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to chat. Yes.

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And so can you tell everyone about yourself and what

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you are doing to change the world?

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Well, Samantha, I think you actually did a really great

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job at telling everybody about myself. So I'm not going

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to be super redundant there, but I will add some

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things that weren't in the intro. So that are all

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really important in terms of who I am. I also

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identify as a daughter, a wife, a sister, a mother,

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and a friend. So I see myself very relationally. I'm

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really grateful to do the work that I do, especially

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because self-love and doing the work within self-love and mental

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health holds me really accountable. But I do see two sides. Self-love,

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the counterpart, is also generational healing. So I am who

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I am because of the people I'm connected to.

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I love that.

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And I find, especially becoming a parent, finding those generational healing,

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you know, experiences is very eyeopening. Like before I had kids,

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I thought like I did the work on myself.

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I'm good. And then having kids, I'm like, okay, this

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is a little different.

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Absolutely. And I think parenthood brings that back up. So

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even if it was something that you did well, perhaps

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noticed a pattern and he said, okay, caught it. I

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feel empowered to shift it. Just the weight and the

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gravity of tending to a human being, especially when they're

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a little human being, that just kind of adds to

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the nature of the intensity. So just to normalize that,

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that for a lot of people, they can feel like

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they're backsliding in their healing journey because they're like, didn't

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they already tend to this? I already did this. I

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But especially when those patterns are generational and go further

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back than we can probably even trace them. No wonder

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they pull us there.

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And so something I found very interesting because I kind

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of found it in myself as well. You live with

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generalized anxiety as a kid without really knowing what it was.

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And counseling in college kind of changed that perspective. So

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what was the moment that you realized like, oh, my gosh,

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there's nothing wrong with me.

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I'm just anxious.

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Yeah, I'm glad that you relate, and I'm sorry you

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relate at the same time, because having that reckoning is

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really healing, yet also having to live all those years

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without that tending, it can be really sad. So first

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I'll share is that this seems like two parts to me.

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I definitely did not know that I was living with

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anxiety growing up. That is a hindsight 2020. As you noted,

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but at first it was just, oh, I have anxiety.

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I didn't think like, oh, it's just anxiety or it's

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not a problem. I realized, oh, I'm living with something

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that I need help because by that juncture, I had

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not known a lot about psychology and the wider realm.

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And I had some really stigmatized, stereotypical beliefs about what

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it means to need therapy or counseling. So it did

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not even occur to me. So that was the first phase.

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And in pursuing help for anxiety, I learned a lot.

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I mean, obviously, my emotional intelligence shifted. But again, seeing

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the connection to the world around me. my loved ones,

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my community, my culture, and just kind of cross-culturally worldwide noticing, wow,

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we don't tend to our emotions the way that we

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could and could benefit from. So realize that anxiety is

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a natural, normal emotion. And if we tend to it proactively...

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could actually be a superpower. That didn't happen until much later.

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But as soon as it did, it kind of skyrocketed

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my interest in the mental health field, becoming an educator,

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the books, the podcast, everything just kind of fireworked out

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from there.

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Yeah, it's so interesting once you find that kind of

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solution to what you've been dealing with, how you want

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to help everybody to find that solution quicker than you did,

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which is great that you're helping people do that. And

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so I want to talk about self-love because I feel

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like it gets thrown around so much. It almost sounds

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like it's like a bubble bath, you know, self-love, self-love.

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Yeah.

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But as a clinician, what is the unsexy definition of it?

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Well, I just want to highlight it can be sexy

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and it can be the bubble bath, but that's just

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nuances within it. And I appreciate that you even preface

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it with as a clinician, because that was the whole

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thing that got me to frustration of. How do we

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define self-love? People throw it out as you should do

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this thing. And then in my clinical path, it was

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you should not only do it, you should help people

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cultivate it. And there was no definition. So I see

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self-love as the practice of accepting, caring for, and intending

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to yourself. And that can shift across time.

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And so the self-love workbook has sold over 100,000 copies.

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So you literally wrote the book on it.

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But what is one exercise in that workbook that people

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resist the most and then later are thanking you for

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doing it, for having them do it?

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I love this question because I don't have a clear answer.

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Self-love is so subjective that someone will be like, this activity,

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page 44, I can't believe it. This, I thought it

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was easy. And it just took me by surprise. I

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can't even complete it by myself because think about it.

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For me, I use this workbook a lot in my

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clinical practice, right? So folks are getting to work on

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it by themselves and then bringing it in to me.

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I've heard this with a variety of different activities. And

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I do think that normalizes how subjective it is. What

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I will share is that thread though, is that folks

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will look at the workbook and maybe you experienced this yourself, Samantha,

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you'll skim through it and it's like, okay, workbook. I'm

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familiar learning through workbook. That's what a lot of us

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did in grade school. Like this is easy. So I'm

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ready to self-love and I'm just going to do this

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easy peasy. And people talk about how taken aback they

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are by seemingly simple questions. Just three lines, you can,

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you know, kind of just booms and feels nebulous from there.

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So what I do here is not so much which activity,

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but just the activities at large within the wider practice

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of self-love seem simple and they are way more multilayered.

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And that's one of the things that I do with

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my students is that I will have them write the

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top five things that they love the most. Like, what

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are your top five most loved things? And afterwards, I

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always ask, how many of you guys wrote yourself in that?

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And not many of them raise their hand, but I

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always kind of go into those kinds of things just

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saying like, you should be on that list and you

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should be loving yourself. You love all these other things,

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but put that energy into yourself, I think is something

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a lot of people don't think about.

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Beautiful. Yeah, I've done something similar in some of our

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presentations and it just speaks to how we're not really

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encouraged to to put ourselves at the top of mind.

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So a lot of people get to the juncture that

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they think, okay, I probably do need to cultivate self-love

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and they can feel really ashamed in how hard it is.

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So normalizing like we were not encouraged and if you're

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anything like me, you may have been discouraged because of

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the misconceptions that self-love is selfish or narcissistic or sinful

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or whatever it is. I actually was discouraged from self-love

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because I didn't know the truth of what it was.

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And now that I know it, I know I can't

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undo it. I can't not need it like we all do.

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Mm-hmm.

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And you say that self-love and generational healing are two

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sides of the same journey. Can you break that down

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for maybe the mom who's listening at pickup or what

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does that look like on a regular day?

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Yeah, absolutely. And the mom at pickup is so relatable

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to me. I'm always listening to a good podcast on

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pickup and drop off. So thanks for listening in if

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that is your experience right now. So the reason why

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I say it's two sides to the same coin is

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because to me, these two practices are have always interrelated.

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The reason why as of late, I branched out into

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naming more of the generational healing is that I was

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realizing that not a lot of people were putting that

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in their self-love because in focusing on the self, especially

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in our hyper individualistic modern times, especially in the West,

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we then see it as self, right? So self, solitary, solo, independent.

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So your love of yourself is based on if you're

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willing to do it. Now, if any, especially a mom,

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is trying to practice self-love, we know that true self-love

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for ourselves is cultivated by the helping hands of others.

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The other mom who's willing to tag team at the

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playdate so you can at least have another human interaction

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with Perhaps your partner just parenting alongside you so you

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don't have to carry as much of the mental load

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and you can have time to truly focus on the

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self without any of that additional guilt, right? The community

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and the village, when I say self-love matters, I'm not

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saying that everyone around you doesn't matter. And especially for moms,

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I'm actually quite saying the opposite. I am saying, please

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fill up that tank because you're going to need it

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for other people, your children, your part, village at large.

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So I've always seen it in that way. But I also,

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in working with clients who have pretty big obstacles to self-love,

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like those misconceptions I was giving examples of earlier, when

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we're looking at it, and many times folks feel like

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they're hitting into a wall of, I know that I

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need to cultivate self-love. I work with the definition and

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I just feel like I can't break through it. A

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lot of times that's a generational pattern that they inherited.

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But it's not just that they believe it's fish. For

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years past, self-love would have meant like a safety issue, right?

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It would have been dangerous and it actually would have

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been harmful in some ways. especially the self-love of today,

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what they have the privilege and access of. Not to

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mention not just the past, but also into the future.

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Many moms I sit with, they realize, man, I did

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not learn how to love myself because my parents, especially,

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put herself on the back burner all the time. So

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if anything, I learned how to not. But I look

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into the eyes of my child and the idea of

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them feeling guilty for resting or taking a break or

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Having fun when there's something serious to be done is

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heartbreaking for lots of parents. So realizing that you sit

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at that intersection, that your self-love is not just for you.

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It permeates. It helps to shift the pattern that you've inherited,

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and it sets a precedent for the future.

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So wonderful.

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And that's going to be a great kind of intro

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to with your new book, Generational Healing, something that I

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thought was really nice. The first word that you speak

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to the reader is beloved, and you tell every single

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reader that you are a healer. Why does this book

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have to open with tenderness instead of that toughness that

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some of us are so used to feeling?

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Yeah, a lot of that might be me only shifting

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my own generational wounds, perhaps, is that I see so

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much in my practice and in my life, how much

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tenderness is an all chemical power, right? How much that

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catalyzes someone to better see themselves, to offer themselves grace

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and step into the best version of themselves to not

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only help themselves, but to help others too. So the

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beloved aspect, you know, in my emphasis of self-love, it's

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not that I don't think interpersonal love matters, right? And

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I shared that with the village concept and the idea

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of the generational patterns. But I just want to remind

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folks that they're filled with love. So that's where I

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started with that tenderness in that way. Also, I've read

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so many wonderful books that I feel like obliged to

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follow in in this person's narrative in the exact way

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they did it. And maybe you saw this with the

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self-love workbook, and it's something that I've tried to echo

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throughout my work, is I'm only trying to help along

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the way because I did do some of that work.

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I don't want people to recreate the wheel and have

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to fill in the blanks, but their truth is known

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to them. I cannot know that. So instead of you must,

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you should, I did, so therefore you need to, it

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is find yourself in this process. So realizing that we

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all are healers, not just for ourselves, but when we do,

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that permeates out through those around us as well.

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So true.

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And then you also spend the introduction redefining words. So

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generational pattern, generational curse, generational wealth. Why does this language matter?

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And what's lost when we just say we're breaking the cycle?

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Really similar to how I felt when I created the

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self-love workbook and that series, I realized how much words

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have power. Some of that is my clinical backing, but

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some of that I really attribute to my undergrad experience

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in cultural anthropology and my love for linguistic anthropology, just

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the fascination in the words we're using. Maybe you've experienced this.

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I'm so sure that every listener has been told to,

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let's say, for example, cultivate self-love and you say, great.

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What exactly does that mean? And I've learned from clinical

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practice sitting one-on-one, but in rooms of hundreds of people, boy,

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does that definition vary. So if in the beginning, we're

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all off on different pages, quite literally, how are we

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going to explore this journey together? So I felt like

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it was the best thing to kind of just sit

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down with some of these semantics and Some words that,

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you know, I encourage everyone listening, sit with those words

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and think about what you believe they mean. Because it's

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not so much about right or wrong. It's just noticing

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how loaded those terms are. Like cycle breaker. I have

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some pretty loaded beliefs about that. That's different from, you know,

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I think what I hear usually.

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Yeah.

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And you had, you know, your own confession in the book.

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You rushed through everything, brushing your teeth, making dinner, how

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your body is kind of acting like a lion is

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chasing you. And it's the hardest pattern that you've had

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to kind of shift for maybe my own personal question

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as well, because I feel like I do that as well.

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What do you think you're rushing was protecting you from?

279
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Yeah, this was a really hard one to sit with

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because by the time I started to catch this pattern,

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I caught it in frustration. I caught it in a,

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you know better, so why do you keep? And when

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I started to put attention towards it, the attention wasn't

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enough to shift the behavior. It really felt like a

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pattern that compelled me a lot. And some of that

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is within my own life, right? Eldest daughter, high functioning,

287
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first generation American. There are some things there that definitely

288
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play a factor. But when I was in starting to

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explore a little bit deeper of my own generational healing

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journey as someone of Guyanese heritage, my ancestors ended up

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in the Caribbean because of Indian indentured labor and learning

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a little bit more about what the system looked like.

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There are literally women in my ancestry, while I don't

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have their stories, I have the historical records of what

295
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the process looked like that would be punished for stopping

296
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to rest, would be punished for for slowing down. That

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we know from genetics that a lot of these things,

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when over time, especially when you go ahead and include

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trauma over it, gets held in the body. And where

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would they have had the privilege to release that? I

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think if at best they were coping with the things

302
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that were passed down to me, like nourishing food, returning

303
00:17:03.019 --> 00:17:06.059
to nature, music, community, but that can only do so

304
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much for such a deep trauma of that sort. a

305
00:17:10.410 --> 00:17:14.890
pervasive trauma with no actual escape. So I truly believe

306
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that that is one example of how I hold in

307
00:17:17.730 --> 00:17:21.220
my body things that my inherited pattern says, are you sure?

308
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Are you sure you can slow down? Do we really

309
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have that luxury? Because generations pass, and really in my history,

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not that long ago, there was a direct consequence on

311
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slowing down. So acknowledging that I'm not in survival mode,

312
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And what a beautiful privilege to just sit with. But

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instead of shunning that pattern when it comes up, I

314
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treat that with a different tenderness now of, oh, I see.

315
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I see where you're coming from, but I am safe now.

316
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I am not threatened if I brush my teeth for

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a full minute or two longer than the breaking the timer,

318
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you know, pattern that I've been using and practicing it

319
00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:10.769
in little ways like that too, right? I want to

320
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slow down across the board, especially as a mother with

321
00:18:14.109 --> 00:18:17.450
my children, but it's more accessible for me to practice

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when brushing my teeth or washing the dishes. So that's

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where I hone that practice in a.

324
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Little bit more.

325
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To give me that ability, that familiarity, that conditioning that

326
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is so different for me, but also for my ancestry.

327
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So true. And I totally feel all of that.

328
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And I'm thinking of just my mom and my grandma,

329
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how they're just constantly like, you know, you need to

330
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be moving, moving, moving.

331
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And so I guess that's where I get it from.

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And you also, you also wrote that generational healing in

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00:18:48.160 --> 00:18:51.220
many ways is a luxury and that if someone is

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in a season of active survival, surviving is their healing

335
00:18:55.579 --> 00:18:58.039
right now, kind of. But for the mom listening with

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zero bandwidth for the work, what do you want her

337
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to hear?

338
00:19:00.819 --> 00:19:03.180
Yeah, just because you can't do it today doesn't mean

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you can't do it soon. The bandwidth matters more than

340
00:19:07.599 --> 00:19:10.890
anything else. And there's that two sides of the coin

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00:19:11.049 --> 00:19:14.650
aspect is if you're trying to pursue generational healing and

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you're realizing, whoa, bandwidth is too limited to sit with.

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the question, what is a generational curse? And you're just

344
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kind of staring there. We all know that every month

345
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experience that moment you're trying, you want to have that

346
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cerebral thought and it's just not coming to you. It's

347
00:19:30.150 --> 00:19:34.119
a great signal. Flip that coin over and invest in

348
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self-love in whatever way is accessible to you in this context.

349
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For me, I've often felt If I couldn't do the thing,

350
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it meant I could never do the thing. And I

351
00:19:45.269 --> 00:19:47.569
realized for me that that's not the case. That does

352
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not have to be the case. It can just mean

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not working. now just like it wasn't right now for

354
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my ancestors but I can get to a place that

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I can pursue that so making sure that we give

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ourselves that grace and patience.

357
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It's so important.

358
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And I know so many people listening, giving grace is

359
00:20:05.980 --> 00:20:09.029
like the hardest thing for them to do, because it's

360
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just again, going back to all of that, we feel like.

361
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We need to be doing, doing, doing all the time.

362
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And So another thing is that the book doesn't excuse

363
00:20:19.859 --> 00:20:23.130
harm and it never asks anyone to forgive or reconcile.

364
00:20:23.170 --> 00:20:26.250
Can you talk about why setting boundaries counts as generational healing?

365
00:20:26.450 --> 00:20:29.190
Absolutely. And that was really important for me because in

366
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the book, we explore what we inherited and making different

367
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forms of peace with that. So with that being said,

368
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I think it was important to highlight that There is

369
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someone who is going to read the book and think,

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the harm that I inherited, I don't want to make

371
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any peace with. I don't want to reconnect to that person.

372
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I don't want to think about what they inherited and

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therefore the harm they passed on to me. I am done, done, done.

374
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That kind of takes me back to bandwidth. It means

375
00:21:00.769 --> 00:21:04.559
I don't have the space. to offer someone else more

376
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than what I can offer myself. So I find no

377
00:21:07.619 --> 00:21:10.539
qualm in that whatsoever. And that's why I think the

378
00:21:10.579 --> 00:21:13.940
reader needs to find themselves in the process. Just because

379
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that might be someone's specific strand of trauma doesn't mean

380
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that there aren't spaces that they're willing to reflect and realize, okay,

381
00:21:22.140 --> 00:21:24.349
I'm willing to look at that from a different lens.

382
00:21:24.549 --> 00:21:29.799
Boundaries in general are acts of self-love. For some reason,

383
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we have this image of the boundary being the wall.

384
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So we are if we are setting them with someone

385
00:21:36.180 --> 00:21:39.240
else and that means we are shutting someone out. And

386
00:21:39.380 --> 00:21:41.950
I'm not really sure why we see boundaries that way.

387
00:21:42.210 --> 00:21:44.890
There are a variety of different types of boundaries. And

388
00:21:45.049 --> 00:21:48.630
if we set a gate, right, that means that the

389
00:21:48.670 --> 00:21:51.650
person can better respect us because, oh, this is a gate.

390
00:21:52.130 --> 00:21:54.829
I have access to you. On what terms can I

391
00:21:54.990 --> 00:21:57.650
open and have the key code? How can I have

392
00:21:57.670 --> 00:22:00.240
the key code? Who can have the key code? Do

393
00:22:00.279 --> 00:22:02.299
you have a key code to my gate? So that

394
00:22:02.359 --> 00:22:06.900
is the interpersonal aspect, but also friendly reminder, boundaries are

395
00:22:07.059 --> 00:22:10.910
also within ourselves. So a lot of times we are

396
00:22:10.970 --> 00:22:14.839
looking at boundaries as, the marker and limitation we set

397
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between ourselves and other people. And we're like, that person

398
00:22:18.319 --> 00:22:20.099
stepped over my boundary. They did it again. They did

399
00:22:20.119 --> 00:22:22.529
it again. I am cutting them off. I'm done with them.

400
00:22:22.750 --> 00:22:28.109
And we don't have... Sometimes it's bandwidth. Sometimes it's humility, grace,

401
00:22:28.309 --> 00:22:32.490
cognizance to say, oh, wait, am I stepping over the

402
00:22:33.269 --> 00:22:38.380
same version of that boundary personally? So like, for example,

403
00:22:38.420 --> 00:22:42.390
you mentioned a lot of listeners are... deal with that

404
00:22:42.490 --> 00:22:45.279
issue of grace. Is that universal?

405
00:22:45.319 --> 00:22:45.660
I don't know.

406
00:22:45.680 --> 00:22:49.380
I think it could be, but especially amongst mothers. But

407
00:22:50.059 --> 00:22:53.500
is that something that when someone else may not be

408
00:22:53.539 --> 00:22:56.460
giving us grace, we may recognize that a little bit

409
00:22:56.500 --> 00:22:59.559
more when someone's not forgiving or a little bit more

410
00:22:59.680 --> 00:23:02.519
all or nothing. But do we recognize the same way

411
00:23:02.579 --> 00:23:06.759
when we're doing that, that that's also us disrespecting ourselves?

412
00:23:07.160 --> 00:23:08.900
So it's a nice way to take your power back

413
00:23:08.960 --> 00:23:12.049
and hold yourself more accountable. manage what you can and

414
00:23:12.359 --> 00:23:13.220
release what you cannot.

415
00:23:14.450 --> 00:23:16.990
So true. And it really is. Boundaries are so hard.

416
00:23:17.069 --> 00:23:18.230
I'm still learning them.

417
00:23:18.309 --> 00:23:21.970
And I know so many people that I have conversations with.

418
00:23:22.069 --> 00:23:23.289
It's just so difficult.

419
00:23:23.509 --> 00:23:26.170
One of the things that I really also found very

420
00:23:26.500 --> 00:23:29.940
interesting is you two are an ancestor and that healing

421
00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:34.160
moves horizontally to everyone around us and vertically or backwards

422
00:23:34.220 --> 00:23:38.059
towards ancestors who couldn't heal. So can you explain that?

423
00:23:38.460 --> 00:23:41.569
What changed when you realized you're the ancestor too?

424
00:23:43.079 --> 00:23:43.539
Yes.

425
00:23:43.819 --> 00:23:47.880
And because there's mostly moms listening here, that's just a

426
00:23:47.960 --> 00:23:51.430
given truth. If you have a child, you are already

427
00:23:51.549 --> 00:23:55.390
an ancestor. Now, being in that living, raising and the

428
00:23:55.509 --> 00:23:59.029
thick of it type chapter or chapters, you might not

429
00:23:59.089 --> 00:24:00.630
realize that. I think a lot of times we see

430
00:24:00.789 --> 00:24:04.299
ancestors as like past, someone we don't have, someone who

431
00:24:04.319 --> 00:24:06.980
we have maybe a black and white photo of or

432
00:24:07.019 --> 00:24:10.980
like an old birth certificate, not someone who living. So

433
00:24:11.000 --> 00:24:13.940
there's a bias there, first of all, but parents are

434
00:24:14.000 --> 00:24:18.259
already ancestors. So just dealing with specifically the audience here,

435
00:24:18.460 --> 00:24:21.460
it's not even a, you could be, it's you are.

436
00:24:22.380 --> 00:24:25.029
And from that realm, a lot of times we'll highlight

437
00:24:25.049 --> 00:24:27.950
that it doesn't even matter. It's not only about your children,

438
00:24:28.009 --> 00:24:31.509
because this also applies to folks who may not, whether

439
00:24:31.549 --> 00:24:34.490
they choose to or not have their own children, is

440
00:24:34.559 --> 00:24:39.039
we influence the generations to come just by our existing

441
00:24:39.059 --> 00:24:41.180
and the different roles that we have. You know, I

442
00:24:41.200 --> 00:24:43.619
think like an example I could use as an educator

443
00:24:43.680 --> 00:24:45.509
who doesn't end up having their children of their own,

444
00:24:45.869 --> 00:24:49.210
we cannot deny that they are influencing another generation and

445
00:24:49.549 --> 00:24:53.970
depending how long they're teaching generations, right? So, you know,

446
00:24:54.009 --> 00:24:57.990
we're living in a loneliness epidemic. It continues to skyrocket.

447
00:24:58.109 --> 00:25:01.750
Mental health is associated with that. It is pretty devastating.

448
00:25:01.950 --> 00:25:06.019
In my generational healing work, I've got the reality check

449
00:25:06.079 --> 00:25:08.920
that you are the ancestor. helps you to feel alone

450
00:25:09.259 --> 00:25:13.859
and connected. So even if you're isolated and you are

451
00:25:13.920 --> 00:25:17.200
not with even your old child, somebody in like a

452
00:25:17.220 --> 00:25:19.900
custody scenario that they're not even connected to their own

453
00:25:19.940 --> 00:25:25.099
child for whatever reason, you still have influence in that way.

454
00:25:25.339 --> 00:25:28.720
So realizing that the way you love yourself, the way

455
00:25:28.779 --> 00:25:31.880
you cultivate mental health, the way you speak to others

456
00:25:31.900 --> 00:25:37.769
is creates an imprint, that's important. So that's the future-oriented dimension.

457
00:25:37.849 --> 00:25:41.970
That's usually the simplest one to consider. You are an ancestor,

458
00:25:42.349 --> 00:25:46.369
but I believe generational healing has eight main dimensions. It

459
00:25:46.430 --> 00:25:49.569
is that future. It's also the present, knowing that if

460
00:25:49.670 --> 00:25:53.279
I influence you and you influence me in this conversation,

461
00:25:53.500 --> 00:25:55.259
we may not know to label it, but we take

462
00:25:55.279 --> 00:25:58.079
that with us. And who else does that pass on

463
00:25:58.140 --> 00:26:01.710
to in that way? And that, especially for cultures who

464
00:26:01.809 --> 00:26:06.039
do participate in ancestral veneration, and just because you are

465
00:26:06.079 --> 00:26:09.180
a past loved one doesn't mean you lose connection. You

466
00:26:09.200 --> 00:26:12.640
can still have reverence for it. Then knowing, like an

467
00:26:13.039 --> 00:26:16.119
example earlier of there are mothers in my line who

468
00:26:16.200 --> 00:26:19.289
could not rest and slow down, knowing that I do

469
00:26:19.349 --> 00:26:23.369
this because I get to do this. And it's kind

470
00:26:23.410 --> 00:26:26.710
of the notion of, you know, your ancestors' wildest dreams.

471
00:26:27.069 --> 00:26:30.009
That somewhere spiritually, it feels like there is a connection

472
00:26:30.099 --> 00:26:33.420
to know you couldn't, but knowing that I can, does

473
00:26:33.440 --> 00:26:35.720
that help you? Because I know when I think of

474
00:26:35.759 --> 00:26:38.319
things that I can't do, dreaming up, you know, a

475
00:26:38.359 --> 00:26:41.619
descendant of my future, being able to have access, that

476
00:26:41.680 --> 00:26:45.039
definitely lights me up with joy. So thinking that there

477
00:26:45.079 --> 00:26:48.339
could be someone looking out, connecting other in another realm

478
00:26:48.359 --> 00:26:50.569
who can't do what we're doing now and saying, I'm

479
00:26:50.619 --> 00:26:53.150
so glad you can do it. That's powerful, too.

480
00:26:54.619 --> 00:26:55.180
I love that.

481
00:26:55.460 --> 00:26:58.480
And so kind of in the same category, so many

482
00:26:58.500 --> 00:27:01.440
of us are trying to reparent ourselves while we're actively

483
00:27:02.079 --> 00:27:04.529
parenting our kids, trying to be a good ancestor. What

484
00:27:04.710 --> 00:27:09.069
is something you think in reparenting that is super important

485
00:27:09.109 --> 00:27:12.849
for parents to kind of keep in consideration or maybe

486
00:27:13.109 --> 00:27:14.049
put into practice?

487
00:27:14.190 --> 00:27:15.890
So I'm glad you brought it up in this way,

488
00:27:15.950 --> 00:27:19.920
because when I find folks get really overwhelmed by the

489
00:27:20.019 --> 00:27:24.190
you are the ancestor calling. It's oftentimes folks who are like,

490
00:27:24.269 --> 00:27:28.539
wait a second. So I just got to the notion

491
00:27:28.759 --> 00:27:33.400
of realizing that I always live with my inner child.

492
00:27:33.500 --> 00:27:35.549
So I got to tend to her and I have

493
00:27:35.690 --> 00:27:38.670
actual children to tend to. And then some people are

494
00:27:38.789 --> 00:27:42.529
often juggling their own parents at the same time. So

495
00:27:42.630 --> 00:27:47.089
parentification and they're like, you're going to add another dimension

496
00:27:47.309 --> 00:27:50.460
on top of this. If that feels overwhelming for you,

497
00:27:50.660 --> 00:27:53.299
it's probably because you're doing all too much at the

498
00:27:53.319 --> 00:27:57.059
same time. So pull it back. All of that is

499
00:27:57.339 --> 00:28:00.359
same essence. So it's not like picking or choosing or

500
00:28:00.400 --> 00:28:04.720
prioritizing in a way that is unhelpful. It's saying, where

501
00:28:04.740 --> 00:28:08.119
does my energy matter most right now? For a lot

502
00:28:08.160 --> 00:28:12.009
of people, that is with their child and their inner child, right?

503
00:28:12.089 --> 00:28:17.630
So just keeping it simple. When you practice that accessibility,

504
00:28:17.670 --> 00:28:21.450
you create new neural pathways that may not have been

505
00:28:21.490 --> 00:28:25.079
the ones that were inherited. Then it allows you the

506
00:28:25.180 --> 00:28:29.779
scaffolding to build in other dimensions for each generation.

507
00:28:30.759 --> 00:28:31.380
So true.

508
00:28:31.599 --> 00:28:36.359
And so burnout for moms, it's sneaky because rest feels

509
00:28:36.509 --> 00:28:38.670
like we're quitting, like we kind of talked about. What's

510
00:28:38.710 --> 00:28:42.650
the difference between burnout and just being tired? And how

511
00:28:42.690 --> 00:28:43.950
do we know which one we're in?

512
00:28:44.150 --> 00:28:46.950
I love this question because it really makes me think,

513
00:28:47.309 --> 00:28:51.269
do we really not know or do we push past it? Mothers,

514
00:28:51.990 --> 00:28:54.099
I think I think we actually in our heart of

515
00:28:54.130 --> 00:28:57.259
hearts knows this answer. Every mother listening knows the difference.

516
00:28:57.670 --> 00:29:00.529
because we can attend to tiredness in our loved ones.

517
00:29:01.470 --> 00:29:04.390
So we can do that for ourselves. The problem is

518
00:29:04.599 --> 00:29:08.779
we don't acknowledge the signs of tiredness and we push

519
00:29:09.019 --> 00:29:11.819
into burn. So just giving yourself permission to see those

520
00:29:11.859 --> 00:29:15.079
signs and honoring them early, that's self-care.

521
00:29:16.099 --> 00:29:17.099
Yeah, so important.

522
00:29:17.940 --> 00:29:21.940
So the book, The book closes with the radiance was

523
00:29:22.029 --> 00:29:24.829
always within you. This is where you learn to let

524
00:29:24.890 --> 00:29:27.529
it move. If a mom finishes this book and does

525
00:29:27.589 --> 00:29:30.690
exactly one thing differently at the dinner table, maybe tonight,

526
00:29:31.069 --> 00:29:32.289
what do you think that it should be?

527
00:29:32.490 --> 00:29:36.490
Remembering that the light is within her. It's not something

528
00:29:36.529 --> 00:29:39.950
that she has to spark and create. Something that is

529
00:29:40.180 --> 00:29:44.740
missing and lost. Something that's hard to access is there.

530
00:29:44.759 --> 00:29:49.450
If you believe it, it creates that access. We create

531
00:29:49.490 --> 00:29:52.009
this notion that it's something far from us. We have

532
00:29:52.049 --> 00:29:55.509
to go through all of these steps to find that radiance.

533
00:29:56.069 --> 00:29:58.579
I believe it's in us. It just may be hidden.

534
00:29:59.099 --> 00:30:02.400
So giving yourself permission to connect to the light that

535
00:30:02.509 --> 00:30:03.089
is within you.

536
00:30:03.900 --> 00:30:04.500
I love that.

537
00:30:04.859 --> 00:30:08.079
Well, I think that's probably the perfect place to end it.

538
00:30:08.140 --> 00:30:10.799
So thank you so much. I personally feel like I

539
00:30:10.819 --> 00:30:12.839
just got a therapy session and maybe a little pep

540
00:30:12.880 --> 00:30:16.539
talk at the same time. But if you're listening and

541
00:30:16.619 --> 00:30:20.740
this one hits home, Dr. Shana's new book, Generational Healing,

542
00:30:21.160 --> 00:30:23.859
Shifting Patterns, Creating Change, is one that you are going

543
00:30:23.880 --> 00:30:26.940
to need for your library. So thank you so much

544
00:30:27.000 --> 00:30:29.099
for that. This was such a great conversation.

545
00:30:29.279 --> 00:30:31.680
Thank you so much for having this conversation and for

546
00:30:31.789 --> 00:30:33.569
empowering women in the way that you do.

547
00:30:34.069 --> 00:30:34.420
Yes.

548
00:30:34.509 --> 00:30:36.490
So as always, thank you for spending time with us

549
00:30:36.569 --> 00:30:38.670
on The Running Wine Mom. Don't forget to subscribe, leave

550
00:30:38.690 --> 00:30:40.869
a review, and share this episode with someone who needs

551
00:30:40.890 --> 00:30:43.250
to hear it. You can follow me on Instagram at

552
00:30:43.289 --> 00:30:44.630
TheRunningWineMom underscore.

553
00:30:44.710 --> 00:30:45.109
And Dr.

554
00:30:45.150 --> 00:30:48.089
Shana, where can the listeners find you and when can

555
00:30:48.109 --> 00:30:50.529
they find your book? So my book is currently available

556
00:30:50.569 --> 00:30:51.250
for pre-order.

557
00:30:51.289 --> 00:30:53.690
And the books that we mentioned are already available to

558
00:30:53.710 --> 00:30:57.390
you on my website at DrShana.com. And I'm pretty active

559
00:30:57.509 --> 00:31:00.160
on Instagram if you'd like to connect there. I also

560
00:31:00.200 --> 00:31:03.450
believe that mental health should be accessible. So Eve, especially

561
00:31:03.470 --> 00:31:05.910
if you're listening, you feel connected to this and you're

562
00:31:05.930 --> 00:31:07.930
not sure if it's in the budget to find any

563
00:31:07.950 --> 00:31:10.730
of these resources, you can also reach out at the

564
00:31:10.789 --> 00:31:12.329
Mental Wellness Practice Podcast.

565
00:31:13.609 --> 00:31:13.950
Perfect.

566
00:31:14.009 --> 00:31:16.140
And I will link all of that in the show notes.

567
00:31:16.220 --> 00:31:18.700
So thank you so much for joining us today. Remember,

568
00:31:18.740 --> 00:31:20.910
you are strong, you are capable, and you are all amazing.

569
00:31:20.950 --> 00:31:23.730
Until next time, keep running, keep sipping, keep embracing the

570
00:31:23.769 --> 00:31:26.460
joy of motherhood. Cheers, and I'll be back next Tuesday.