May 26, 2026

How Moms Carry the Mental Load | Annabel Monaghan on Dolly All the Time

How Moms Carry the Mental Load | Annabel Monaghan on Dolly All the Time
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This week on The Running Wine Mom, Samantha sits down with New York Times bestselling author Annabel Monaghan for an honest conversation about motherhood, caregiving, burnout, love, and the invisible mental load women carry every single day. Annabel shares the inspiration behind her newest novel, Dolly All the Time — a story about a single mom juggling work, family, financial stress, and caregiving while slowly learning how to stop carrying everything alone. Samantha and Annabel dive into the “curse of capability,” why moms struggle to ask for help, and how women often become the emotional managers of their entire families. They also talk about:

  • Why romance shouldn’t magically fix a woman’s life
  • Fake dating, family pressure, and financial stress in fiction
  • The emotional reality of caregiving
  • Raising capable kids instead of over-functioning for them
  • The mental load moms carry every day
  • Why women relate so deeply to Dolly’s story
  • The famous “pants” mantra from the book
  • Writing chemistry and emotional intimacy
  • Rhode Island as the perfect summer-book setting
If you’ve ever felt like the default parent, the family planner, the emergency contact, or the one holding everything together — this episode will hit home.Follow AnnabelFollow SamanthaBooks Mentioned
  • Dolly All the Time
  • Nora Goes Off Script
  • Summer Romance
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I hope that they first just like, take a moment

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and go why I really do a lot.

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Welcome back to the Running Wine Mom podcast. I'm your host,

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Samantha Slinsky, aka the Running Wine Mom. Today's guest is

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someone who deeply understands the mental load we all carry.

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Annabel Monahan is the New York Times best selling author

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of some of our favorite escapes, Nora Goes Off Script

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and Summer Romance. But her newest book, Dolly All the Time,

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with its beautiful cover, felt different to me. It felt

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personal and just so relatable at this point in my life.

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It's a story about the understudy, the woman who holds

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the world together for everyone else while her own needs

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sit on a shelf gathering dust. It's funny, of course,

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it's heartbreakingly real, and it's the book we all need

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right now. So, without further ado, welcome Annabel.

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Wow, thank you that is I love for your description

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of that book. God, I hope that's true.

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Yes, it is just and so just a fun like

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side fact, my mom's name is Dolores, and so my

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dad calls her Dolly, and I was like, oh.

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My gosh, this is so fun. I thought of when

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I thought of Dolly. I thought of Dolly for Dorothy.

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I don't know why, but I never thought of Dolores.

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Yeah, that's that.

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I love that so much.

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Well, and as we were saying, this is your fourth

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time on the podcast, so you're officially taking the seat

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as the person who's come back the most.

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So thank you for that.

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Thank you. I have frequent flyer. I love it. I

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want to punch card so I can get a free

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sandwich chefter next.

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You just got to keep coming out with books every summer,

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so no problem. So, as the listeners know, we always

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start with our wine wine in one of the week,

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but what we're going to do is a little different

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this week. I'm going to ask what your wine while

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writing this book was?

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To start off, I don't drink wine. Wow, I write,

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But after I write, I like a nice glass of

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red something, usually a pino.

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What is your complaint wine while writing this book?

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You know, I just I sometimes wine that there just

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isn't It's it's so hard to keep an entire story

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in your head. And I just wish that I could

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have like thirty days to sit and do nothing but

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write a book, because then it's like you have all

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the people in your head, and every time you sit

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down to write, they're doing the things that you ask

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them to rather than you're like, wait what, and then

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you have to go back and read the whole thing.

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I mean, I can't tell you how many times in

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all of my books, I reread the first hundred pages

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because I'm trying to get page hundred and one. And

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so it's the starting and the stopping, which is just

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part of you know, being a human being, and you

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know you have to do other things. That was the

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only wine, because I actually did. I had a really

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joy full, fun time writing this book. It was really

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it was fun to be in Whitfield, it was fun

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to be in Dolly's head, it was fun to mess

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with Stuart. I loved it.

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Yeah.

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And so would that be your win of writing this

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book or do you have any additional wins for this book?

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The win of writing this book, I mean, the first

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win is that it was fun to write, because really, like,

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you spent a lot of time writing a book, So

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if it's miserable to write, that's like kind of gruesome.

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But the win really is that it's like people like it.

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I mean, it's just it's making people feel the way

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that I felt while I was writing it, and I

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like the thing whatever being misunderstood is like the worst

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thing in the world. The opposite of that is when

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you're trying to you're trying to say something and people

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understand what it is that you're trying to say. So

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that's been the win for me.

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So cool.

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And can you tell everyone a little bit about what

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is this book about? We'll get into it, but give

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you a little, you know, synopsis of it.

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Sure.

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So it is a It is a story of Dolly Brick,

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who is a single mom and a She has a

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full time job, she has three side hustles. She is

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everybody's emergency contact in her family and she has to

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go back to take care of her dad and her

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brother after a little fire, to the town where she

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grew up in coastal Rhode Island, and she finds herself

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in a fake dating situation with Stuart Whitfield, who the

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town is called Whitfield, Rhode Island, and they're basically they're

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like the Vanderbilts. The house on the cliff at the end,

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and they have this Johnt used to be a shipping fortune,

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now it's a real estate fortune. He is up for

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CEO to take his family legacy to the you know,

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to the next generation, and he needs her for a

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variety of reasons that I swear makes sense to pose

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his girlfriend. So it's the story, you know, it's a

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little bit like pretty Woman without Anything, kind of yikki,

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and it's the story about really about two caretakers. They're

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both like bear the major responsibility for their families. Finally

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like learning how to lean on somebody.

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Mm hmm.

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Yeah. So if this book were a wine, would it

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be a crispy, briny vino Verde to match Rhode Island

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or a complex aged cab with a lot of sediment.

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At the bottom.

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I think it would be a white wine. I think

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we would be outside, we'd be at a picnic. I

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think there would be cheese, and it would be kind

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of like a sance or seven yon Blanc.

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I love that.

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I'm down for one of those right now. I could

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be there. It's almost five, yes.

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And so this book, I thought it was so interesting

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how it opens up. It's with a woman who's literally

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juggling work, caregiving, and a crisis in the span of hours.

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And I think every mom listening just felt or feels

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that nose of a time that that's happened.

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I loved the way that this book opened with a.

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Woman literally juggling work, caregiving, and crisis in the span

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of hours. And I just think every mom listening can

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feel that in our bones.

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Why did you feel that it.

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Was the right time to write this book with that message.

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I don't know. I think that I was just ready

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for it. I'm I think we all are in a

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world where a lot of people are taking care of

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their aging parents, They're taking care of their children, or

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their teenagers or even their adult children, and still somehow

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like not getting to that me time kind of place.

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And I honestly think a lot of us are doing

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it lovingly. And I don't have any I'm not caring

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for my parents, but like I see my friends, like

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really willingly just going out of their way to manage

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all of these things. And they do it not as victims.

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They do it in love, and it is just like

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it's so beautiful to see. And it's also I see

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a lot of people thinking, well, I'll just take a

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break later. There will be time for me later, And

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it's very difficult once you get into the habit of

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being a caretaker, to ask for help or to really

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to think that someone else could do it and you know,

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as well as you could, or instead of you. So

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those are just things I've been thinking about for a

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really long time. And I wanted to write about another

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single mom, and when I brought her home, I just

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sort of saw her as that person in the family,

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the family that everybody everybody leaned on. Also, when I

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was I wanted to write a book in Rhode Island,

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because I've been to Rhode Islands amazing, by the way,

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and I've been there on book tour a bunch, and

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I visited Newport when I was before I started writing

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this book, and I went on all those mansion tours,

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and I like, basically the stories that they tell you

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on those tours are the same story. It's like this

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generation brought about great wealth. These people had this lifestyle

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and then it all went to hell in this generation

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and now they all like live in condos in Florida

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or something. And it's like I just kept thinking about, like,

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what does that feel like for the person who was

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that generation who let it slip through their cracks. So

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I kind of started thinking about Stewart as a caretaker

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before I started thinking about Dolly as a caretaker, And

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it was fun to write a couple that they both

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have the same issue. It's not like one of them

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is going to solve the other one's issue. They have

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exact same problem. So that's where that came from.

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And you dedicated this book to the caretakers. And you know,

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Dolly kind of spent her life being her mother's understudy

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before she even had left. When you were writing her,

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did you see her hyper responsibility as a superpower or

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as a cage she kind of built for herself?

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Bush?

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You know, I think this is like they say, both

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things can be true. I do think it's it's a superpower.

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I have a friend who always talks about the curse

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of capability. You know, if you're in your family that's

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able to host Thanksgiving dinner, you're always going to host

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Thanksgiving dinner. That is the cage that you built or

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someone builds for you. So I kind of think it's

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both and I that there's there's some value to being

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like I could do this that do I have to

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do this? Do I pick everything fall on me? And

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the answer is no, it shouldn't. Everything shouldn't fall on

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one person. But it does, you know, it does. Only

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there's always that one person who's like the one everybody

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turns to and is like, I don't know what should

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we do, which is going to lead me kind of

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to the next question.

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Dolly, like so many of us, are just holding everything together,

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her dad, her brother, son house, and barely pauses to ask,

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like what she wants. Do you think women recognize themselves

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in her or do you think they avoid recognizing themselves

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in her?

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I think that when they read her experience, I think

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they will. I think a lot of people will say, yeah, yeah,

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I know, I know that, I know that, you know.

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And it's there's moments in the book that are really

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not that flattering to Dolly. Or she's so resentful of

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her sister who doesn't help that when her sister asks

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what she can bring for thanksgipping, she says nothing, It's fine,

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you know, just because she wants to prove herself right,

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see yeah, anything. If she walked in with a pie,

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then she wouldn't be able to hate her so much,

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you know. It's every every act of love is so beautiful.

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Everything can be so beautiful until you overdo it.

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Yeah, And it's so funny. That's what I was going

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to say. There's like an undercurrent of in the book.

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If I don't do it, no one will just like Thanksgiving,

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like you know, I'm just going to do it.

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I don't need anyone to help.

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I'll do it.

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Yeah, it's I got But where do you think this

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belief really comes from?

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And why is mother's Is it so hard to just

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let that go? Like is it our ego?

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Like you're you know, we were kind of saying like

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I'll just do it, or where do you why do

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you think we're like this?

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I don't know. I mean I think you start out

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doing everything and then you have you end up with

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a way you like things done, and so then it's

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hard to ask for help because if somebody else take over,

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it's not going to be done the way that you'd

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like to. I also think that a lot of women

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don't know how much they do, how much they take

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in a family. You know, there are tasks like if

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you could list all the tasks that you do all day,

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it's it would still only be like seventy percent of

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actually what you do because you're thinking, what's the next thing?

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What are we there's so much mental load that you carry,

233
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and it's hard to ask somebody else to take your

234
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mental load.

235
00:11:28.000 --> 00:11:28.320
Yeah.

236
00:11:28.519 --> 00:11:31.240
I think Dolly experiences that, like with her dad and

237
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with her brother, you know what's going to happen to them.

238
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She's the only relief engaged with that.

239
00:11:37.399 --> 00:11:38.919
Yeah, And there was in there.

240
00:11:38.960 --> 00:11:42.840
It was the one the pants mantra throughout the book,

241
00:11:42.879 --> 00:11:45.600
Dolly shorthand for caring for Christopher is the one word

242
00:11:45.639 --> 00:11:49.080
command pants. We all have a bare minimum thing that

243
00:11:49.120 --> 00:11:50.759
we track for our families.

244
00:11:50.759 --> 00:11:52.720
What is the pants moment in your own life?

245
00:11:52.799 --> 00:11:55.879
Hmmm, that's a great question because you know, I don't

246
00:11:55.879 --> 00:11:58.240
have kids at home anymore. Yeah, so I'm now in

247
00:11:58.320 --> 00:12:03.519
this place where my life about my work and hanging

248
00:12:03.559 --> 00:12:06.799
out with my with my husband. It might have been helmets.

249
00:12:07.559 --> 00:12:10.159
H Like, as long as everybody was wearing a helmet,

250
00:12:10.279 --> 00:12:12.279
I felt like that was going to be okay. They

251
00:12:12.279 --> 00:12:17.279
were all riding around and food. When I had kids,

252
00:12:17.320 --> 00:12:19.360
like food was a really big thing that was like

253
00:12:19.480 --> 00:12:22.360
that was my love language. Like if everybody had had

254
00:12:22.360 --> 00:12:25.159
a pound of bacon every day, I was like, everybody's

255
00:12:25.200 --> 00:12:27.720
going to be okay. I made a lot of bacon.

256
00:12:29.039 --> 00:12:31.639
Crazy, you know, I know I'm trying to think of

257
00:12:31.759 --> 00:12:33.360
like what mine is right now.

258
00:12:33.600 --> 00:12:36.120
I don't even know. There's just so many of them.

259
00:12:36.120 --> 00:12:38.120
My kids are, you know, they're still so young, so

260
00:12:38.159 --> 00:12:40.039
I feel like there's there is just.

261
00:12:40.600 --> 00:12:43.000
Far too many to pick one. But I would probably

262
00:12:43.000 --> 00:12:44.799
say food might be one of them.

263
00:12:45.080 --> 00:12:47.399
Well, and it changes over time. You know, there's a

264
00:12:47.559 --> 00:12:49.759
name when it's just like you don't want anybody to

265
00:12:49.919 --> 00:12:53.039
like have a head injury, and then Peter, you're like

266
00:12:53.159 --> 00:12:56.600
worried about porn on the internet. Yeah, it's just like

267
00:12:56.840 --> 00:13:01.399
it just like changes and morphs into like more things

268
00:13:01.480 --> 00:13:02.200
that could happen.

269
00:13:02.759 --> 00:13:04.759
Yeah, no, it's so true.

270
00:13:06.120 --> 00:13:10.279
Yeah, so this book, it's not your typical romance. It's

271
00:13:10.360 --> 00:13:13.919
layered with real life, with money, stress, caregiving, burnout. Why

272
00:13:14.840 --> 00:13:17.759
was it important you know that the love didn't magically

273
00:13:17.799 --> 00:13:19.639
fix everything like it does in so.

274
00:13:19.679 --> 00:13:22.639
Many because I think it's that's my favorite thing.

275
00:13:23.200 --> 00:13:24.519
Yeah, it really is.

276
00:13:24.600 --> 00:13:27.759
It's my favorite thing when you get when you're reading

277
00:13:27.799 --> 00:13:31.000
a love story and you're really invested in these people

278
00:13:31.080 --> 00:13:33.039
and you really want it to work out, and there's

279
00:13:33.080 --> 00:13:36.120
a moment where it doesn't work out, but you still

280
00:13:36.159 --> 00:13:39.759
think she's going to be okay. It's literally my very

281
00:13:39.759 --> 00:13:43.519
favorite thing, because in real life, nobody meets a guy

282
00:13:43.919 --> 00:13:46.639
and then has all of their problems solved. Like that

283
00:13:46.799 --> 00:13:49.759
is not a thing that ever happens, and it's not

284
00:13:49.840 --> 00:13:52.600
a story that we should be selling to young women, like, oh,

285
00:13:52.759 --> 00:13:55.679
just wait, someday you'll meet a guy and then say,

286
00:13:55.720 --> 00:13:58.879
your princes will come, credit cards will be paid off,

287
00:13:58.879 --> 00:14:01.639
and you'll be happy and you'll feel good about your body.

288
00:14:01.720 --> 00:14:04.720
I mean, that's not a thing. So I love that.

289
00:14:05.000 --> 00:14:07.679
I also so I love I love when. I love

290
00:14:07.720 --> 00:14:09.559
when the love story is a little bit like a

291
00:14:09.679 --> 00:14:13.320
love story between the woman and herself and she's changing

292
00:14:13.440 --> 00:14:15.320
and then we get the happy ending.

293
00:14:15.799 --> 00:14:18.279
Yeah, yeah, and I do I think of that.

294
00:14:18.440 --> 00:14:21.000
I still think of Nora goes off script a lot,

295
00:14:21.039 --> 00:14:24.120
and I feel like Nora was that way as well.

296
00:14:24.200 --> 00:14:27.799
I just like love that about the you know, the characters.

297
00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:30.720
I feel like it's so important so to go to

298
00:14:30.799 --> 00:14:33.240
the man. When Stuart enters the picture, it's almost like

299
00:14:33.320 --> 00:14:37.080
kind of two completely different worlds collide. What did you

300
00:14:37.080 --> 00:14:40.399
want readers to feel in that contrast? Did you want

301
00:14:40.399 --> 00:14:43.679
them to feel fantasy or reality or how did you

302
00:14:43.759 --> 00:14:44.720
kind of want them to.

303
00:14:44.759 --> 00:14:47.000
Feel when you know? I love the question. I love

304
00:14:47.039 --> 00:14:49.320
the way you phrased that, because I hadn't really thought

305
00:14:49.360 --> 00:14:51.440
of that before. I did want them to feel fantasy

306
00:14:51.480 --> 00:14:53.879
and reality at the same time. And when I was

307
00:14:53.879 --> 00:14:56.240
in Newport and I was researching this trip, you know,

308
00:14:56.279 --> 00:14:58.399
I'd come back from all the mansions, and then I

309
00:14:58.519 --> 00:15:01.399
was in town in Newport or just the most gorgeous

310
00:15:01.399 --> 00:15:04.759
town you can imagine, and down every street there were

311
00:15:04.840 --> 00:15:08.960
like houses where people lived with clotheslines and music coming

312
00:15:09.039 --> 00:15:11.440
from them, and it was just so it was just

313
00:15:11.480 --> 00:15:14.919
like there was so much life and beautiful things happening there,

314
00:15:15.279 --> 00:15:17.759
and I thought it'd be fun to get these people together.

315
00:15:19.519 --> 00:15:22.720
And as exhausted as those people in those mansions must

316
00:15:22.720 --> 00:15:25.559
have been like trying to make things work, they weren't

317
00:15:25.559 --> 00:15:29.039
as exhausted as the other people in the warehouse trying

318
00:15:29.039 --> 00:15:31.480
to make things work. I just thought, that's always so

319
00:15:31.559 --> 00:15:33.200
fun when you can bring that stuff together.

320
00:15:33.720 --> 00:15:34.919
Yeah, that really is.

321
00:15:34.960 --> 00:15:37.000
And it's so it is so interesting when you go

322
00:15:37.039 --> 00:15:39.840
to these big, beautiful places and it's like you see

323
00:15:39.879 --> 00:15:43.279
the the like that I'm thinking as you're saying that

324
00:15:43.320 --> 00:15:46.159
in Newport, I'm reminiscing about our chip where it's like, yeah,

325
00:15:46.200 --> 00:15:48.720
there's just like normal people that are also living here too.

326
00:15:48.799 --> 00:15:51.919
It's not just you know, in the in the Mega Mansions.

327
00:15:52.840 --> 00:15:55.360
So one of the scenes in the limo where they

328
00:15:55.440 --> 00:15:59.879
practice the oxytocin inducing hand holding, it's pretty, you know,

329
00:16:00.000 --> 00:16:02.639
so electric. And I just wanted to know how you

330
00:16:02.679 --> 00:16:06.399
approached writing intimacy that feels like disarming rather.

331
00:16:06.200 --> 00:16:10.720
Than just steam romance, see me intimacy. So you've read

332
00:16:10.720 --> 00:16:13.519
my books because I've been here so many times? Yes, not,

333
00:16:13.679 --> 00:16:13.879
I know.

334
00:16:13.960 --> 00:16:15.600
When I wrote it, I was like, I know how

335
00:16:15.639 --> 00:16:17.120
you feel about this, but I gotta ask.

336
00:16:17.519 --> 00:16:21.240
Yeah, and I love a steamy book. Yeah, I'm just not. Like,

337
00:16:21.360 --> 00:16:24.519
it's just not the way I write. And I like,

338
00:16:24.600 --> 00:16:26.600
I could try, Like if you gave me a million

339
00:16:26.639 --> 00:16:29.519
dollars and you were like, write something steamy, it would

340
00:16:29.559 --> 00:16:32.000
be silly. I would get silly while I was writing it.

341
00:16:32.080 --> 00:16:35.840
I do feel like, like the initial touching moments, I

342
00:16:35.919 --> 00:16:38.960
really love writing those moments, and I do. Which is

343
00:16:39.279 --> 00:16:41.840
a really fun thing about fake dating, because there's always

344
00:16:41.840 --> 00:16:45.080
an excuse for two people who aren't admitting that they're

345
00:16:45.080 --> 00:16:48.480
attracted to each other to you know, to have some

346
00:16:48.639 --> 00:16:51.120
kind of a touch. But I will say that I'm

347
00:16:51.120 --> 00:16:54.000
writing another book right now, and my editor has given

348
00:16:54.039 --> 00:16:57.320
me very few comments. But what she did say, which

349
00:16:57.360 --> 00:16:59.799
I think is hysterical, she said, you know you're getting

350
00:16:59.799 --> 00:17:00.840
better sex.

351
00:17:01.480 --> 00:17:01.679
Yeah.

352
00:17:02.519 --> 00:17:04.400
I was like, you know, this is feedback I've never

353
00:17:04.440 --> 00:17:07.559
gotten in my entire life, so from anybody.

354
00:17:08.720 --> 00:17:12.400
Yeah, because I think it was our first interview that

355
00:17:12.599 --> 00:17:15.119
we talked about and you just said you I remember

356
00:17:15.200 --> 00:17:17.599
you say you just did not It was just not

357
00:17:18.000 --> 00:17:20.119
what you want, what you like to write about, and

358
00:17:20.160 --> 00:17:21.079
so this is great.

359
00:17:21.480 --> 00:17:21.640
Yeah.

360
00:17:21.640 --> 00:17:24.920
I know I'm loosening up a little bit, yeah something,

361
00:17:25.119 --> 00:17:28.039
but I do. And I love writing. I love writing

362
00:17:28.039 --> 00:17:30.240
the moment before the kiss, you know. I think that

363
00:17:30.440 --> 00:17:33.720
is like sometimes the that's the electric thing, Like the

364
00:17:33.839 --> 00:17:37.079
kiss is the kiss, but the urin I'd love I'd

365
00:17:37.119 --> 00:17:38.000
love that me too.

366
00:17:38.160 --> 00:17:40.480
I think it's sometimes more important than the like you

367
00:17:40.519 --> 00:17:42.880
know where it leads to the whole lead up, which

368
00:17:42.920 --> 00:17:46.640
is pretty fun. So to go on the opposite of steamy,

369
00:17:46.680 --> 00:17:49.279
we're going to talk about the financial stress in this book.

370
00:17:49.559 --> 00:17:52.400
It is so real. Why was it important for you

371
00:17:52.480 --> 00:17:55.720
to show this side of life so honestly? Well?

372
00:17:55.920 --> 00:17:57.480
Love for so. I love writing about money.

373
00:17:57.839 --> 00:17:58.079
M h.

374
00:17:58.319 --> 00:18:00.319
I love talking about money. I just like I think

375
00:18:00.359 --> 00:18:03.920
it's such a it's such an interesting part of our

376
00:18:03.960 --> 00:18:07.799
life and the decisions that we make around money, and

377
00:18:07.839 --> 00:18:10.680
the guilt and the shame that we have around having

378
00:18:10.759 --> 00:18:13.119
it or not having it, or if you get it,

379
00:18:13.160 --> 00:18:15.400
you can't spend it. You know, all of that. I

380
00:18:15.440 --> 00:18:18.680
love the topic. I also really love in a romance

381
00:18:18.960 --> 00:18:22.200
where there are like a lot of not even in

382
00:18:22.240 --> 00:18:25.359
a romance, in any story, a story strengthens with how

383
00:18:25.359 --> 00:18:29.480
many conflicts and problems there are. A woman who has

384
00:18:29.519 --> 00:18:32.200
a child, a single woman who has a child, has

385
00:18:32.240 --> 00:18:34.440
a lot of conflicts and problems and a lot of

386
00:18:34.440 --> 00:18:40.839
responsibilities if she's broke, like the steaks just naturally raise. Yeah,

387
00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:44.240
it's just like there's so much more to it than Oh,

388
00:18:44.279 --> 00:18:46.279
he's handsome, I hope he kisses me. She has so

389
00:18:46.359 --> 00:18:49.200
much more at stake with her family kind of struggling

390
00:18:49.279 --> 00:18:52.039
behind her. And then on the other hand, like Stuart's

391
00:18:52.079 --> 00:18:55.079
a kajillionaire, so it was very fun to bring her

392
00:18:55.240 --> 00:18:57.839
to his house for dinner and to have her accidentally

393
00:18:57.880 --> 00:19:02.519
walk in through the service entrance and just for her

394
00:19:02.759 --> 00:19:06.279
to experience all of that, you know it that casual

395
00:19:06.359 --> 00:19:08.799
way that very wealthy people are with their money.

396
00:19:09.279 --> 00:19:13.200
Yeah, And there's a powerful line in the book love

397
00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:16.880
is fickle, debt sticks around. How much of Dolly's identity

398
00:19:16.880 --> 00:19:19.480
do you think is tied to the financial and emotional

399
00:19:19.519 --> 00:19:20.640
debts of her parents?

400
00:19:21.279 --> 00:19:24.759
A lot? A lot so her father. I mean, this

401
00:19:24.839 --> 00:19:27.880
is very early in the story her The backstory was

402
00:19:27.920 --> 00:19:31.279
that her father tried to open a second he owns

403
00:19:31.319 --> 00:19:33.200
the local fish shop. He was going to open a

404
00:19:33.240 --> 00:19:36.240
second fish shop to impress his wife, who was not

405
00:19:36.319 --> 00:19:39.400
impressed with his financial success. And that was a failure,

406
00:19:39.599 --> 00:19:42.000
and her mother left because he was never going to

407
00:19:42.039 --> 00:19:44.680
amount to anything. And so I think that basically her

408
00:19:44.720 --> 00:19:49.119
origin story is about being broke, trying to find a

409
00:19:49.119 --> 00:19:52.160
way not to be broke, and trying to like always

410
00:19:52.160 --> 00:19:55.000
be able to be totally independent and take care of

411
00:19:55.000 --> 00:19:58.519
herself and make up for her mother's absence. You know,

412
00:19:58.559 --> 00:19:59.799
she had a lot to do.

413
00:20:00.559 --> 00:20:03.359
Yeah, And so you know, the setting in Rhode Island,

414
00:20:03.359 --> 00:20:06.640
it feels almost like it's a whole other character in

415
00:20:06.720 --> 00:20:09.559
the book. The coastal town, the fish house, the routines.

416
00:20:10.480 --> 00:20:13.200
What does home mean in this book? And is it

417
00:20:13.240 --> 00:20:15.440
a place where is it a responsibility?

418
00:20:16.799 --> 00:20:19.200
I think that her home, because it had been in

419
00:20:19.240 --> 00:20:22.000
her family for a while, much like his, her home

420
00:20:22.519 --> 00:20:26.079
was the place where her brother, who's disabled, feels the

421
00:20:26.079 --> 00:20:29.359
most comfortable, like that home is what connects him to

422
00:20:29.440 --> 00:20:32.160
the memory of his mother, who he hasn't seen since

423
00:20:32.200 --> 00:20:34.920
you left. And so it's I don't think that Dolly

424
00:20:34.960 --> 00:20:37.720
would admit to herself that she has such an emotional

425
00:20:37.759 --> 00:20:41.319
attachment to her home, but he does, and she wants

426
00:20:41.359 --> 00:20:44.480
that for him. Yeah, home can be very, very emotional.

427
00:20:45.480 --> 00:20:47.960
And then the other thing you described the zen of

428
00:20:48.000 --> 00:20:50.880
a fish house, the you know, the fans and the

429
00:20:50.920 --> 00:20:53.279
salt sweet smell. But if you had to spend a

430
00:20:53.319 --> 00:20:57.279
summer working at the fish house, would you be behind

431
00:20:57.279 --> 00:20:59.279
the counter or would you be in the back getting

432
00:20:59.680 --> 00:20:59.960
the cut?

433
00:21:00.359 --> 00:21:05.119
Samantha, that's a great question. My uncle was a fishmonger, okay,

434
00:21:05.599 --> 00:21:08.920
and he had a fish store in Los Angeles. I

435
00:21:09.400 --> 00:21:13.119
mean I remember, and my grandfather, his father was a

436
00:21:13.119 --> 00:21:16.079
butcher and the fish store and the butcher shop were

437
00:21:16.160 --> 00:21:19.400
right like across the hall from each other, and I

438
00:21:19.519 --> 00:21:22.599
remember going to visit them and being like Granddaddy a

439
00:21:22.640 --> 00:21:26.039
big hug and he's got blood all over his white aprons.

440
00:21:26.160 --> 00:21:29.319
And my uncle, hey, uncle Bobby, and he's got like

441
00:21:29.440 --> 00:21:32.680
fish guts all over him. So it's kind of doesn't

442
00:21:32.720 --> 00:21:35.839
freak me out. So maybe I'd like to be behind

443
00:21:35.839 --> 00:21:39.680
the counter with the fresh air that does nicer.

444
00:21:39.920 --> 00:21:43.680
Yeah, what was your favorite part of the book to write?

445
00:21:43.759 --> 00:21:48.119
Well, there's a scene where Dolly kind of tells Stuart off,

446
00:21:48.200 --> 00:21:51.920
and that was so satisfying to write. Just felt like

447
00:21:51.920 --> 00:21:53.920
like I had when I'm writing a book, I like

448
00:21:54.039 --> 00:21:56.799
get very like deep into the skin of the I'm

449
00:21:56.799 --> 00:22:00.640
writing through. I was so pissed by this point, like honestly,

450
00:22:00.720 --> 00:22:03.839
like I would walk around like walking my dog, like

451
00:22:03.960 --> 00:22:07.839
muttering under my breath. I was so pissed, and I

452
00:22:07.880 --> 00:22:10.160
I just let him have it. Dolly let him have it,

453
00:22:10.200 --> 00:22:13.880
and it felt really satisfying. Also, any scene that her

454
00:22:13.920 --> 00:22:18.039
friend Naomi was in was really fun to write because

455
00:22:18.039 --> 00:22:20.799
her friend Naomi is the kind of person who will

456
00:22:20.880 --> 00:22:24.200
just say anything, and that felt very freeing. It's not like, oh,

457
00:22:24.200 --> 00:22:27.079
what should this person say? Like she's a wild card,

458
00:22:27.160 --> 00:22:30.039
and you just see that kind of friend, right, we do,

459
00:22:30.319 --> 00:22:33.680
especially you know if you're like the person who's always

460
00:22:33.680 --> 00:22:34.839
trying to do the right thing.

461
00:22:35.039 --> 00:22:37.599
Right exactly all right.

462
00:22:37.680 --> 00:22:41.079
So I am so excited for everyone to read the book,

463
00:22:41.119 --> 00:22:44.160
and for the moms who are listening that feel like

464
00:22:44.200 --> 00:22:45.440
they're carrying everything.

465
00:22:45.519 --> 00:22:50.400
What do you hope that they take from Dolly's story.

466
00:22:50.480 --> 00:22:52.839
I hope that they first to just like take a

467
00:22:52.880 --> 00:22:56.519
moment and go, wow, I really do a lot. Yeah,

468
00:22:56.519 --> 00:23:00.640
Like I really am. You know, whether they're at home,

469
00:23:00.880 --> 00:23:03.599
or whether they're at work, or whether they're whatever it

470
00:23:03.680 --> 00:23:08.319
is you are. You are constantly managing your family from

471
00:23:08.480 --> 00:23:11.200
your conscious mind, your subconscious mind. Like just to sit

472
00:23:11.240 --> 00:23:13.839
with it and be like, wow, that's not a joke.

473
00:23:14.279 --> 00:23:16.880
What it is that I have taken on? I mean,

474
00:23:17.400 --> 00:23:21.279
motherhood is a lot to take on. And then you know,

475
00:23:21.599 --> 00:23:23.880
to the extent it's appropriate. I'm not here to boss

476
00:23:23.920 --> 00:23:27.200
anybody around. So many things we can do can be

477
00:23:27.279 --> 00:23:31.839
done by our partner, can be done by our children.

478
00:23:32.519 --> 00:23:36.200
I mean it's believable how little and I'm just going

479
00:23:36.240 --> 00:23:38.880
to speak for my generation, how little we ask if

480
00:23:38.920 --> 00:23:42.599
our children. Yeah, it's very much in reaction to the

481
00:23:42.680 --> 00:23:45.480
way our parents like kind of treated us like soldiers.

482
00:23:46.799 --> 00:23:51.319
But like your kids can like cook, Yeah they can,

483
00:23:51.640 --> 00:23:54.400
we should ask them to. Yeah, I agree.

484
00:23:54.519 --> 00:23:57.279
I try to get my kids responsible because it's so

485
00:23:57.359 --> 00:23:57.920
much on us.

486
00:23:57.920 --> 00:23:59.400
I'm like, I can't do all of this. I need

487
00:23:59.440 --> 00:23:59.960
you guys to do.

488
00:24:00.319 --> 00:24:02.759
You know, even it's if it's small things that they

489
00:24:02.759 --> 00:24:06.480
can It is surprising how much of like a burden

490
00:24:06.519 --> 00:24:09.440
it can take off by having them just do smaller

491
00:24:09.559 --> 00:24:10.519
things no matter.

492
00:24:10.559 --> 00:24:13.680
I mean. Also, also it makes him feel good.

493
00:24:14.240 --> 00:24:15.960
It does, it really does. I know.

494
00:24:16.039 --> 00:24:19.440
My daughter gets so proud every time she does something.

495
00:24:20.319 --> 00:24:22.359
The other day, this is a funny story before we

496
00:24:22.680 --> 00:24:26.119
wrap it up. They were sleeping at my parents last

497
00:24:26.160 --> 00:24:29.079
weekend for anniversary. I was taking my son to the gym.

498
00:24:29.119 --> 00:24:31.160
My husband was home, but my daughter didn't want to go.

499
00:24:31.240 --> 00:24:33.200
So I was like, listen, I would like you to

500
00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:37.559
pack your stuff for mimium papses. And I drew all

501
00:24:37.599 --> 00:24:40.880
of the things like you know, shirt times one pants,

502
00:24:40.920 --> 00:24:43.920
I drew times you know this, And so I said,

503
00:24:43.920 --> 00:24:46.160
you could go give this to Daddy and you can

504
00:24:46.200 --> 00:24:47.960
do it, and who'll make sure you do it properly?

505
00:24:48.000 --> 00:24:50.079
And I came home He's like, she did it all,

506
00:24:50.400 --> 00:24:53.160
like she knew exactly what she wanted. She felt such

507
00:24:53.559 --> 00:24:57.480
pride in packing everything. She told everyone she packed everything.

508
00:24:57.480 --> 00:24:58.759
And I just thought, wow.

509
00:24:59.200 --> 00:25:01.759
I was like nervous that she was not going to

510
00:25:01.799 --> 00:25:04.319
be able to do it, and she did it with grace.

511
00:25:04.440 --> 00:25:06.680
You know, you know, I bet I think you should

512
00:25:06.720 --> 00:25:08.799
ask your parents. I bet the minute she got there

513
00:25:08.880 --> 00:25:10.480
she was like, you want to see what I packed

514
00:25:10.480 --> 00:25:11.200
in my suitcase?

515
00:25:11.920 --> 00:25:12.039
No?

516
00:25:13.440 --> 00:25:15.880
Right, like she must have felt and you know, not

517
00:25:16.000 --> 00:25:18.319
to bring it back to my book, but there's a

518
00:25:18.400 --> 00:25:21.480
thing in like a very small thread in that book

519
00:25:21.599 --> 00:25:24.680
about how she feels badly that she never asks her

520
00:25:24.839 --> 00:25:27.720
anything of her disabled brother. You know, they just make

521
00:25:27.799 --> 00:25:31.680
him comfortable. Yeah, and then towards the end of the story,

522
00:25:31.880 --> 00:25:35.440
like he takes on some more because she lets him

523
00:25:35.559 --> 00:25:40.039
or he has to, and he feels better right, not

524
00:25:40.119 --> 00:25:42.599
helping her out that much, but he's like, oh, look

525
00:25:42.640 --> 00:25:44.039
at me, engaged in the world.

526
00:25:44.599 --> 00:25:45.359
Yeah.

527
00:25:45.799 --> 00:25:49.759
Anyways, Yeah, I think I think our kids can do stuff,

528
00:25:51.279 --> 00:25:51.599
all right.

529
00:25:51.680 --> 00:25:54.480
Well, I think that is a great place to end it.

530
00:25:54.599 --> 00:25:57.000
You know, I think every woman listening is going to

531
00:25:57.119 --> 00:25:59.160
go out and they're going to buy Dolly all the

532
00:25:59.200 --> 00:26:02.000
time and then probably go and take a nap while

533
00:26:02.039 --> 00:26:04.640
someone else handles the pants for once.

534
00:26:04.880 --> 00:26:10.480
So everybody, everybody keep your pants on. Read the book.

535
00:26:10.559 --> 00:26:13.039
Yes, as always, thank you so much for spending time

536
00:26:13.079 --> 00:26:14.880
with us today on The Running Wine Mom. Don't forget

537
00:26:14.880 --> 00:26:17.319
to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with

538
00:26:17.359 --> 00:26:18.920
someone who needs to hear it. You can follow me

539
00:26:18.960 --> 00:26:21.799
on Instagram at the Running Wine Mom Underscore and Annabel

540
00:26:22.240 --> 00:26:24.079
tell the listeners where they can find you, where they

541
00:26:24.119 --> 00:26:27.079
can find your book and all that good stuff.

542
00:26:27.400 --> 00:26:31.079
So you can find me. My website is Annabelmanahan dot com.

543
00:26:31.119 --> 00:26:34.319
I'm on Instagram all the time at Annabel Monahan, also

544
00:26:34.359 --> 00:26:37.240
Facebook Annabel Monaghan, and I'm going to be going on

545
00:26:37.319 --> 00:26:40.039
tour all over the country, so all of those events

546
00:26:40.119 --> 00:26:43.519
are on my website Annabelmanaghan dot com and my book

547
00:26:43.759 --> 00:26:45.960
everywhere books are sold. Is that what we say?

548
00:26:46.319 --> 00:26:46.880
Yeah?

549
00:26:46.920 --> 00:26:50.839
On May twenty six, right twenty six, okay, perfect, Hanna

550
00:26:51.240 --> 00:26:53.839
will yes, I will link all of that. Thank you

551
00:26:53.920 --> 00:26:57.680
Annabel for coming on again. I will definitely see you

552
00:26:57.680 --> 00:26:59.440
next year for this next book.

553
00:26:59.480 --> 00:27:02.279
I can't thank you for having me back. I'm so

554
00:27:02.440 --> 00:27:04.559
proud to be your frequent flyer.

555
00:27:04.960 --> 00:27:06.440
Thank you. I love having you.

556
00:27:07.000 --> 00:27:09.319
So Thank you everyone for joining us today. Remember you

557
00:27:09.359 --> 00:27:11.400
were strong, you were capable, and you were all amazing.

558
00:27:11.519 --> 00:27:14.519
Until next time, keep running, keep sipping, keep reading, and

559
00:27:14.599 --> 00:27:17.039
keep embracing the joy of motherhood. Cheers and I'll be

560
00:27:17.119 --> 00:27:21.920
back next Tuesday.