How to Find Your Style Again After Motherhood | Jamie Lewin

0:04 People say fashion is frivolous, but there is a mental component to it. You know, an emotional, mental, like psychological component to getting dressed and how we feel about ourselves. Welcome back to the Running Wine Mom podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Slinsky, aka the Running Wine Mom. Today's guest is the fairy godmother your closet has been waiting for. Jamie Lewin is an FIT-trained designer who worked with Ralph Lauren, Armani, J.Crew, and Gap, and now she runs Vetted, her own style guide for real women. She's also a mom, so she's not just preaching this stuff from the runway. She's living the school drop-off, lukewarm coffee, life right alongside of us.

0:45 We're talking identity after motherhood, the mom uniform trap, and the style myths we all need to stop believing. So without further ado, let's welcome Jamie. Welcome, Jamie. Hi, thanks so much for having me. I am so excited to have you because fashion is something that I am scared of. Like, I feel like I'm so basic. And so I love talking to someone like yourself who is so knowledgeable. And I know you're going to teach me and my listeners so much. So thanks for coming on. Of course. And so you have, like I mentioned, an FIT degree. You worked with Ralph Lauren, Armani, J.Crew, Gap, and now you have your own style guide vetted. What pulled you out of designing for those big brands and into styling like actual moms?

1:28 Yeah, I think like so many other women, after becoming a mom, you just need a different lifestyle. And that is what happened to me. So, yes, I went to FIT. I worked at all the brands that you just mentioned. And when I had my daughter, we were living in New York. I was there for about 18 years and got married, had my daughter and was the senior global design director at Gap. And so I was working 24-7. I was traveling all the time. got pregnant with my son, and we decided we didn't want to raise our kids in the city. And so we moved. And for a year, I was commuting to New York every single day. I had a two-year-old and a newborn and was up at 530 every morning to get to work on time. I was running home every night and I was missing my kids on both ends. And I was exhausted. And after a year, I was like, I need to change something.

2:15 This is not working. And so I still consult with some of the bigger brands like Gap, Calvin Klein, Michael Kors, a bunch of brands. And I work with founders of startups, but I'm able to make my own schedule. I'm able to work remotely. I go to New York when I need to for meetings. And, you know, during COVID, I was talking to a couple friends and colleagues about launching something new. Like I'd always been really interested in the editorial side of things. And we were talking about like a store and what we could do and we would get stuck on the logistical piece all the time. So it was about like warehousing and shipping and sustainability. And I was like, you know what, what if I just took that whole piece out of it? What if I just created a style guide that made it really easy to break down like trends or how to put a look together and how to shop for everything, you know, low, medium, high, but everything in one place. And so I started doing that a few years ago and it's, started to take off and become more and more like a full-time job, which is really what I want. So even though I'm still designing with brands, it's really helped me to be able to work remotely and be there for my kids in the morning to take them to school and soccer practice in the afternoons and all of those things that moms have to do.

3:27 Yeah. That's amazing. And so something, the next question I have is also like a personal question with, we talk so much about the mental load of motherhood because we all have it. And as you're saying that you're putting, you know, pieces together for parents that are easy, which is so amazing. It's kind of eliminating that decision fatigue, but why do you think so many women surrender their personal style first when they become moms? Like that, you know, I know they're putting their kids first, but why does their personal style kind of tank a lot? I mean, Honestly, I think it's like anything with taking care of ourselves, right? It's like going to the gym, eating healthy. It's like anything that we do for ourselves, you know, now we're just like eating scraps off our kids' plates and we're like skipping our workouts and we're like the last person that we take care of. You know, we have our partners, our kids and our homes and our jobs and all of these other things that sort of take precedent. And Not that I would say fashion is like health and wellness, but there is a component of that, I think, to, you know, getting dressed and how you feel about yourself.

4:28 Yeah. And I think that's like kind of the first thing to go when we have all of these other things on our plate that just feel more important at the time. Mm hmm. And along those lines, society kind of loves to tell women that caring about clothes, it's superficial, especially once you do have kids, kind of like you were just saying, taking care of everyone, but forget about ourselves. What do you say to those. Moms who feel guilty for spending 10 minutes in the morning trying to put together an outfit? Because I see this all the time on social media. You know, I need this advice for fashion. I haven't bought anything for myself or done anything for myself in five years. What would you say to that person? anything else in your life where you want to take care of yourself.

5:10 You know, I always say like people say fashion is frivolous, but there is a mental component to it, you know, an emotional, mental, like psychological component to getting dressed and how we feel about ourselves and I think how we present ourselves to the world. And so if we are, you know, going to a job interview or a work meeting or sort of anything in our life and we're showing up and presenting ourselves, I think we want to feel our best. And I think that confidence sort of shines through when we do feel good about ourselves in what we're wearing. So I actually don't think it's as frivolous as, you know, some people might. Think it is. I totally agree. And so going on that mental health component, you know, you talked about clothes as a tool for confidence. When a woman puts an outfit together that truly feels like.

5:51 Her, what's happening inside of her body internally? Yeah, you know what? I have a client that I work with and we started out doing a closet edit. And We actually had a personal trainer that we had both used. That's how I met her. And the trainer had said to me, like, this woman has like a high powered job. She has three kids. She is like, you know, so bright. And she has said to me, like, the one place I don't feel confident is getting dressed. And I feel like I've gained a little weight and I don't feel great about myself. And I go to these big conferences, like she's leading conferences and she's speaking and she's like, and I feel like I walk in the room and everyone looks great but me. Like, I just don't feel good about myself. And so... She hired me to come to her house. We spent four hours like going through her closet. And I think because she had gained weight, she was wearing oversized things to sort of cover herself up and looked bigger or like not put together. And I went through her closet and I just started putting things on her that were like, making outfits, right? Putting things like a fitted top with jeans, with a belt.

6:53 She's like, a belt? Like I'm putting a belt on with a blazer or with a jacket. And I just remember turning herself, like turning her around to the mirror and her seeing herself like that for the first time and just lighting up. Like she was just like, oh my God, like I look so good in this. I feel so good in this. I had no idea. Like I knew I had good pieces, but like never would have put this together. Right. And Now we've been working together for, you know, a few months and now she's texting me like, I was just in New York for this meeting and here's what I put together. And everyone kept saying how great I looked and I felt so good. And I just know that she's like showing up to these things now with so much confidence and is so happy. And it makes me so happy. I just think there is like, yeah, this whole thing happening. It's not just this like external thing.

7:39 Right. Yeah. Because when you walk into a room, especially with powerful people in there, you want to feel powerful, too. And when you're not feeling confident in yourself, I mean, I just don't think that you can feel powerful if you're not feeling you're not starting with yourself. So that's and clothes can do that for you. For sure, your whole behavior and the way you carry yourself, like it all changes. Yeah. So let's talk about. The elephant in the room or rather the black yoga leggings or pants in the drawer. How did black leggings become every mom's default crutch and why is it so hard to break up with them? You know, I think that's so funny. I mean, we all have that drawer or shelf of black leggings right from over the years. I think... You know, at one point, I think they were a trend for sure. And it was stylish and it was fashionable. And at some point, it did become a uniform and a crutch. And, you know, I was thinking about this recently because I have a girlfriend who's like, I need to stop wearing leggings. Like, what am I switching into? What is cool? You know, what can I do? But, you know, like thinking about motherhood for sure, you know, like we're in our postpartum after having babies. Then, you know, every stage of life, our bodies change. Every week, our bodies change. And I think Leggings feel the same all the time. Like they always fit. They always feel fine. It's not like a pair of like rigid jeans that can really like break your heart some mornings, right? Where you're like, oh, I can't button these today.

9:03 Great. Yeah. And I think they're just so easy to put together and easy for like an active lifestyle where you're like, I'm running errands and then I have a meeting and then I have pick up and drop off. And yeah, it just became like this, to your point, like a crutch. So I think that's why. Yeah. So can you, Can you give maybe three simple swaps for leggings that aren't going to take a lot of effort in the morning, but instantly kind of elevate your look? Yeah, I actually think like now's a great time to swap because there are some really fashionable, really easy things to swap into. like track pants, right? Track pants are such a big trend. Elastic waist, easy fabric, just pull them on. And honestly, you don't have to swap anything else from your legging outfit to wear with your track pants, but you'll just look like more modern and cooler and updated.

9:51 You know, this year there's been so many like pull on draw cord pants and shorts if you're in a, warm weather climate or over the summer that are so easy to just, again, pull on, throw on sandals or sneakers and look really chic. And then there's this like satin pant trend, too, that's also elastic, really easy, especially if you have like a happy hour or a night out that you can just throw on, again, a sweater, sandals, even during the day with a T-shirt and sneakers. But like you look like you were styled. Like you really look like you made an effort. Yeah. And so for maybe the mom who's listening that has, you know, they're running out the door, they have the diaper bag, the lukewarm coffee. What's that like a three minute formula that they can use for looking pulled together when you are in that morning rush?

10:37 Because it is so crazy. And really the last thing you're thinking of is, oh my God, what am I going to wear to drop off? Yeah. I think it's just, you know, pulling out your favorite like tank top or t-shirt and The track pant or the pull-on pant, the sneaker. And then if it's getting chilly, like what's the jacket that you have? Do you have a cool, I don't know, windbreaker or blazer or denim jacket? Like any little third topper that you can throw on over it. It's such an easy thing. And to be honest, if you even like take a few minutes and just like put some of those things together in your closet that you can just grab in the morning. Yeah. Or like we were talking about before, just put those things in place of the leggings. And you have a really easy three minute, you know, kind of throw on outfit that looks like you really tried and made an effort.

11:20 And so to go along those lines of like putting them kind of to the side, obviously we have so much decision fatigue as parents, so many decisions to make. How can women organize or streamline their closet so getting dressed actually reduces the mental load instead of adding to it? This is a good one. I mean, if you have a closet that's disorganized, I can imagine just like the panic of looking for the one thing that you really want to wear that day. I have my closet organized by category. So I have a rail that's all tops, like button down shirts, lace, silk, you know, all those types of things. And then I have them categorized by color. So if I'm like, oh, I want that, you know, red top, I know where, like exactly what section it's in or white button down shirt, I know where it is.

12:02 You know, I have a rail of jackets. So it's denim jackets, it's blazers, it's vests, you know, everything kind of is hung by category. I think the two things that are hard to find in the closet are jeans, because when they're folded up or hung, they all look the same. So I would say either label them or hang them by like color or style. So it's easy to find. And same with T-shirts. Like even in my drawer, I'm always like, where is that one T-shirt? And I'm pulling out and I'm like, nope, nope, nope. They all look the same. So same thing with that. Either like hang them or put them in categories of like the tank tops and the T-shirts and the long sleeve shirts. So like they're really easy to find. And so obviously style is something we want to we want to build and we want our, we want to look put together, but there's also that reality of if you're a mom, you have spills, you have dog hair, you're running errands, you have playground duty. How do we balance our style with all that messy reality?

12:56 You know, a few things. One, obviously there's lint rollers. I have one in a cabinet by my door when I'm running out. I mean, keep one in the car. And if you don't have one, like grab some packing tape, literally wrap a piece around your hand and just do that. Like that's An easy solve. We do that at work all the time also when there's things on clothes. So, yeah, I mean, listen, like kids are always grabbing at you with like messy hands and spilling things. I think wearing darker colors, wearing like busy prints. There's a reason why casino rugs are those busy, crazy patterns because they hide everything. So, you know, wear like a floral print or a crazy print and it will like cover everything. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, it's life. That's life of being a mom, right?

13:36 Yeah. So there comes an age where following every TikTok or Instagram trend feels so exhausting. Like, how do you distinguish between a fleeting trend and personal style? Well, that's a good one. I mean, I don't think I could have handled TikTok trends even in my teens. It's like one day is like cottagecore and the next day is, I don't know, I don't know, cabincore. And you're like, I don't know, it's like whiplash every day. I think and on Instagram, I actually think a lot of people are talking about the same things, but it's like overload and, you know, an echo chamber and it just becomes, yeah, like how do you distinguish? Like there's so many micro trends that are just like in and out. I mean, I think no matter what a trend is, I always say just dress for yourself. Like if it doesn't feel like you, if it is not your style, don't participate in it, right? If it's boho and you're like, but I'm minimalist, stay minimalist, stay classic. Like it's timeless.

14:31 It's great. I don't think you have to be wearing a trend to be stylish and to be fashionable. And a little bit goes a long way. You know, like right now, Western is a trend. If you have a Western belt that you love, great, wear it. You know, like you don't need to be, especially as we get older, like we don't need to be everything to everyone. And I mean, to be honest, I think that's where the term fashion victim came from, right? It's like trying to be every single trend at once, even when it's not you. So I know. Yeah, I don't think we need to listen to TikTok. I definitely fall victim to that a lot. And so I, my, my next is going to be a selfish question because I'm going up to my college homecoming this weekend and we have things with, with college kids and we're going out at night and I'm like, what do I wear? Like, I don't want to look like I'm 40, but I also obviously don't want to look like I'm 20, but I want to look Cool. So what do you suggest?

15:26 And the weather is going to be great. It's going to be like perfect fall weather. I think high of 69 in the Poconos area. So what do you suggest for that? Like, how do I pull myself together? Yeah. I mean, this is going to sound like a really boring answer, but I think an amazing pair of jeans, like straight leg jeans, barrel jeans, whatever your favorite jeans are, a sleek pair of boots, a black top if you're like going out with a great belt, I think is perfect. timeless ageless I think 20 year olds will think you're cool I think 40 year olds will think you're cool and then if you have like a great jacket a plaid jacket you know like an anorak a windbreaker anything like that to kind of throw over it if it's chillier at night I think it's a great yeah college kind of going out outfit okay for someone in their 40s.

16:13 Yeah, that is kind of what I had in my mind. So that really makes me feel a little bit more confident that a fashion queen can tell me that my mind was kind of. You already knew. You already knew. Going back. Okay, so I want to talk about some fashion myths. So let's talk about myth number one. And the first one is what so many moms say, I'll buy nice clothes when I lose weight. So we have postpartum bodies, we have aging bodies, changing shapes. So many women fight their current size. How do we start dressing and celebrate our body for what we have today rather than waiting for tomorrow? Yeah, I love this one. I mean, this is going to sound like an inspirational quote, but like tomorrow isn't a given. So let's be happy with ourselves today. To your point, like our bodies are always changing. So one day we might be happy and the next day we're not.

17:00 And I think we just need to dress to feel like our best selves every single day. I don't know what we're waiting for in the future that might make us happier. You know, it's funny. I look at pictures from my 20s and even in my 20s, right? I was like nitpicking at things. And now I'm in my 40s and I'm looking back at it like, what was I nitpicking? I looked great, you know? And now I'm thinking like, I'm going to be in my 60s looking at pictures in my 40s going like, what was I nitpicking? I looked great, you know? So I think also like as we get older, as. We become moms, like there's so many other things that become more important than like, Focusing on like something we don't love about ourselves, which nobody else sees probably except for us. Right. Yeah. So I would say like, don't wait for us. Don't wait to lose two pounds. Don't wait, you know, like dress for who you are and how you can feel like the best version of yourself today.

17:52 Yeah. I love that. All right. And myth number two is going to kind of go back to my question about going up to college, but I'm too old to wear that. How should a woman's perspective on style shift as she transitions from her 20s to her 30s to her 40s and beyond? You know, it's so funny. I was just thinking about this because I'm launching my first digital magazine, like a 25 to 30 page magazine next week. And I was thinking about the magazines when we were growing up and they would always have those pages of like what to wear in your 20s, what to wear in your 30s, what to wear in your 40s. And it was so prescriptive that like when you're a certain age, you were supposed to dress a certain way. And I remember like my parents' generation, like you became a mom and all of a sudden like you had to cut your hair short into a bob and you were wearing like outfits and there were no more jeans and there were no more sneakers. And like it was so different. And now I just feel like We're just always evolving. And it's just like little things at a time that we're like, you know what? That's not me anymore. Like I have kids now and I don't need to wear crop tops when I go out. But maybe I want to like wear an off the shoulder top. You know, maybe there's like a different sexy that I want to wear now.

19:00 And so I think it's like these small changes as we evolve. It's not these like I'm in my 30s now, so I can't dress like I did two years ago. You know, like I'm in a different era now. Yeah. So I think just like small evolutions. Let's get on to myth number three. I have nowhere to wear that. Why do we save our favorite pieces for special occasions? And why should we start wearing them to the grocery store or drop off? You know, I think this is the same thing as I'll buy nice clothes when I lose weight conversation. It's like, why are we saving things for the future? Like if you are investing in something and you love it, you should enjoy it. You should wear it. I'm not saying like, take your Birkin to the market, but you know, you do you. Like if you have one, great, enjoy it. No, I think like whatever we, yeah, if we love something and we feel great in it, we should be wearing it and enjoying it and not saving it. Like I feel like everyone has these pieces like wrapped in tissue in a box in their closet that's just sitting there waiting.

19:57 And I'm not sure what we're waiting for. Yeah, I think if you're excited about something, wear it. Wherever you are. And myth number four, I'm so guilty of this. I need a whole new wardrobe. When a mom feels like she has nothing to wear, it's the problem. Usually the closet is like where she got nothing to wear. Why does maybe that mindset have to shift? I can tell you from the amount of like styling clients that I have and closet edits that I've done. Almost everyone has the pieces in their closet. Like people think that I'm going to come in and just scrap their whole closet or they're like, I'm so embarrassed for you to see this closet. And I swear, like they have almost everything. You know, once in a while we're like, you need a belt or you need a cami or you need something that will just enable you to kind of wear everything in different ways and really utilize everything in your closet. But nine times out of 10, like you have everything you need. You just need to know how to mix it. And maybe that's part of the evolution, right?

20:51 From like our 20s to our 30s, it's like we're wearing it in different ways or for different occasions. But I think I'm in 99% sure that you have almost everything you need in your closet right now. I know. It's so funny because I'll see other people and I'll be like, oh my God, that looks so great on them. And then I'll realize, well, I have a similar outfit, but why don't I look that good? And it's like, whatever the trend is, say it's a certain earrings or the double necklace. And I'm like, oh, they look so good because they have the double necklace. And I started to realize that I'll say it to myself multiple times. I'm like, why am I not going to buy that piece to put myself together? Like I can do that too.

21:31 And then once I do that, I'm like, oh my God, it was that simple as like, you know, you said getting a certain belt or like a certain accessory. And sometimes I feel like that's all people need to put what they have together in their wardrobe. Yeah. Or just taking three minutes and being like, you know what? I have so many necklaces. Let me just play to see like which two or three will look good together and put it together. Sometimes it's just like, someone put something together in a different way than maybe you wouldn't, you would have, or you hadn't thought of it. And then you go and play in your closet and you're like, oh wait, I can do that too. Yeah. We can be cool too. That's what I keep telling myself. And then let's talk about myth number five. Fashion just isn't important right now. So a lot of people will say that maybe it's deflection, maybe it's, you know, whatever they're going through, but How do you respond when someone dismisses personal style as secondary to everything else on a mom's plate?

22:22 Yeah, you know, I think there's, as you were talking, there was like a distinction between fashion, like capital F and what's going on in fashion and personal style and how you're getting dressed and how you feel about yourself. I think if you're like, I just don't want to spend the money on new things right now, that's different than I don't want to take the time to put things on that I will feel my best in, right? Like look and feel my best. I feel like those are two different things. And taking that time for your own personal style, I think is important. Like we mentioned, like the psychology of it and how we feel throughout our day, you know, participating in fashion and having the time and having the budget and all of that is a totally separate thing. But sometimes it's even just like one or two new things a season that you can mix in with everything else you have so that you feel really like current and on trend and, you know, fun and like that you're excited about. And it doesn't have to be, to your point of the question before, like a complete wardrobe overhaul. Yeah.

23:19 And so I'm a huge thrifter. I found so many amazing pieces thrifting. And I feel like so then I don't feel as bad when I'm spending money on like maybe a higher. End piece per season. Yeah. But for the people listening who love to thrift like myself, what are some things that maybe we should look for when we are thrifting that could really complete certain pieces of our especially coming up for fall? Like what should we be looking for? Yes, I love thrifting. thrifting and vintage hunting like finding a hidden treasure is there's nothing like it now I was visiting a friend in San Francisco and we like we passed a goodwill and everything was on sale for like $ 2. 99 and I found a black sweatshirt and I swear it's my favorite like I love that then like some pieces like some sweatshirts I've spent so much money on right there's something so funny about that but yeah I think obviously like the sweatshirts and the t-shirts and the jeans and things that like are your basics but if you can find like a great leather jacket They're like they were so well made in the past. And they I mean, they don't go out of style ever. So I also think blazers are great. There's always so much so many in the men's side that you could also look for, like a great oversized blazer that you can also wear as like a jacket. I didn't think about that. Yeah, I think those two things are like like gold because they're so expensive to buy now. And if you can find a great one thrifting, it's like the holy grail.

24:41 Something that thrifting really has, I feel like, taught me is about material of things. And like, you know, so I'm looking at 100% linen, if it's something like that, or like, you know, 100% cotton or silk or whatever. And I've definitely been able to feel pieces more where I think, oh, this is going to be a good piece. I can tell just by feeling it, which is so fun to do and learn. So we are on the Running Wine, Mom. So I have to ask, if your current personal style were a glass of wine, what would it be? And what glass of wine would be your worst fashion phase? I mean, I want to say Riesling just because it's my favorite and I always want Riesling. Yeah. I would say a glass of wine right now would be a Burgundy because I think it gets better with age. And I feel like my style has gotten better over time.

25:29 I think I've really honed in on... What looks best on me? You know, I would try so many things that like weren't me or didn't fit or whatever. And I'm done doing that. So I feel like, yeah, I feel like my style has evolved and gotten better over time. So I would say a burgundy. And worst fashion phase, I think orange wine. I feel like because it was such a fad and it was supposed to be great. Yeah. And I just think it's personally, I think it's terrible. So I would say that was probably my worst fashion phase. I just heard about orange wine recently and I was like, I didn't even know that was a thing, but I just don't feel like it could possibly be that good. You know, I think you can forget that you've ever even heard about it. I think it's fine. Oh, good. If it didn't exist, I think it would be fine.

26:10 All right. Well, this was so informative, especially for myself, but I know everybody listening is going to just learn so much about this. It's just so great to talk to someone who's as knowledgeable as you in the fashion world when... myself and I'm sure a lot of people listening are, it's a struggle because it's something every day that you have to figure out just like packing kids' lunches, you know? Yeah. It's more mental load for yourself, right? Yeah. For the mom staring into her closet tomorrow morning and dreading it, what's the one thing that you want her to know and what's one step that she can take to start on her new fashion journey? Yeah. I want you to know that I am a very confident that you have the pieces in your closet and you just need to put them together a different way If you're still wearing leggings, try to swap them out.

26:59 Baby steps, make some small changes. Maybe you have track pants or pull-on pants or satin pants or, you know, something else that's really easy that you can literally just swap that one thing for. And Samantha, I don't know if your listeners would like this, but I would also be happy to put together like a little guide for them, like a little formula, like PDF or something. Yeah. If that would be helpful. I would love that. Like here's three looks or five looks that you probably already have in your closet that would just like really easy to put together. Yeah. That would be great. Yeah. Okay. I'll do that. Yeah. I'm so excited for the PDF. I know the listeners will too. So everyone be on the lookout for that after this episode ends. And I think that's a great place to end it. So Jamie, thank you so much. I feel like I got permission to wear the good outfit to the grocery store and swap out those leggings.

27:45 So thank you for that. Thank you for having me. I hope I run into you at the grocery store. Yes, my new fashion. So as always, thank you so much for spending time with us today on The Running Wine Mom. Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with a mom who needs to hear it. You can follow me on Instagram at TheRunningWineMom underscore. And Jamie, where can the listeners find you? You can find me at JamieNYC and you can find Vetted at VettedMag. Perfect. And I will link all of that. So thank you so much for joining us today. Remember, you are strong, you are capable, and you are all amazing. Until next time, keep running, keep sipping, keep up with that fashion, and keep embracing the joy of motherhood. Cheers. And I'll be back next Tuesday. Thanks, Jamie. Thank you.